Where do we find our worth?

This is a genuine Guess watch.  Well, most of one anyway. Are you impressed?  

When I was in junior high school, Guess jeans were all the rage.  They were also very expensive.  I longed for a pair of Guess jeans with all the longing a pre-teen girl can long with (and that's a lot of longing).   If only I could have even one pair of  Guess jeans with the upside down triangle on the back pocket, I knew that I would have arrived.   

There were times during those years of desperation when I actually had enough cash in my pocket to buy a pair of Guess jeans, but I was raised frugally, and I just couldn't bring myself to spend that much money on a pair of pants, even though I longed for them!  I knew I could buy an entire outfit for the cost of one pair of those jeans, maybe even two outfits if I caught a good sale, and that knowledge kept me from fulfilling my longing.  I knew the price was impractical, even if the pants were appealing.  

Instead, I settled for a Guess watch - the cheapest one I could find that still had the logo prominently displayed.  I cherished that watch.  I wore it so much that the band eventually broke.  I wore it anyway.  I clung to this one item in my collection of clothing/accessories that at least resembled something that my peers had deemed valuable.  As I was going through boxes and trunks of old mementos trying to prepare for another move, I smiled when i came across this watch.  Then I asked myself WHY had I kept this broken watch for so many years?  Through so many moves (California, Tennessee, Pennsylvania, Ohio)?  

I think it is because I was so proud of my little 11/12 year old self!  Looking at that watch made me remember a little girl who had enough resolve to have restraint, enough conviction to satisfy a craving with a "taste" of something rather than a feast, enough sense to choose to be satisfied. With a few more years under my belt now, and a great deal more perspective, I can look back at those pre-teen years and realize that if I had owned a pair of Guess jeans, it wouldn't have improved my social standing one little bit.  It might have made me feel differently about myself for a little while, but not very long.  Something else would have come along that I "had to have," and the cycle would begin all over again.

At some point growing up I had known my parents' favor when I exhibited financial discernment, and it kept me from walking down a path in junior high and high school where fitting in would become increasingly more demanding and expensive.  Today, my husband and I (by God's grace) are debt-free.  What a life-long blessing reaped from an early lesson learned!  Now I long to be faithful to pass on similar lessons and point out the inner beauty and potential in the young people I cross paths with.  

Looking back at that watch makes me want to be more intentional about praising the young people in my life for the intangible things that make up their character.  It is so easy to give compliments on the external things (beauty, style, athletic ability, talent, performance), but it takes more careful attention and care to compliment young adults on the inner strengths  they possess; the intangibles that can help prevent externals from becoming all-important.  Traits like kindness, spiritual insight, joy, compassion, frugality, generosity, and patience.  

Some suggestions for focusing deeper in our compliments:
Instead of "Good game!" - "You are a great team player!  I love how aware you were of your teammates and their strengths."  or "You exhibited a lot of patience in that game.  It was a long one and you never gave up or gave into frustration."  or maybe "I can tell that you are a great leader on your team.  The other players really seem to respect you as a teammate and I enjoyed watching you in action."
Instead of "You are so talented!" - "I could see the joy you have shine through while you were playing (singing, etc.).  It made me enjoy the music even more."  or "I know it must take a lot of practice and hard work to prepare for a performance like that.  Keep up the good work, your discipline is paying off!"
Instead of "You are so nice." or "What a sweetheart you are!"  - maybe we could be more specific like, "You just went out of your way to help me with that and you didn't have to.  Your kindness is a blessing!"  or "I have noticed that you are always looking out for others.  I know it isn't always easy to be compassionate, but I know that God will use that kind of an attitude to bless many.  Keep it up!"


What are your ideas?  What inner strength were you encouraged to embrace as a young adult that has paid off later in life?  Can you still remember a particular phrase or person that helped keep you from focusing on the wrong things?

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