How to Keep Facebook from Wrecking Your Marriage

I read something interesting this morning: More than a third of divorce filings last year contained the word Facebook, according to a U.K. survey by Divorce Online, a  legal services firm. And over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys say they’ve seen a rise in the number of cases using social networking, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. So, this begs the question, Is Facebook a threat to marriage?  The short answer is something similar to the popular quote by opponents of gun control: Facebook doesn't divorce people, people divorce people.  The long answer is a bit more complicated, but boils down to the fact that the ability that Facebook offers to be able to easily find and connect with people around the world (and from your past) can be a temptation that, when viewed as harmless, can wreak havok on perfectly healthy relationships.  Here are a few ways to Facebook-proof your marriage:


1. Do NOT "friend" former boyfriends/girlfriends.  It may seem harmless to you, but it isn't.  Temptation is temptation and just because you aren't acting on it now, doesn't mean that you won't have a weaker moment in the future.  Ultimately, you CHOSE your mate, you did NOT choose your exes.  Don't keep them closer than necessary.  You made your choice, no one but your spouse is any longer an option so don't keep them hanging around waiting in the Facebook wings.  
2. Do NOT send private FB messages to people of the opposite sex.  Either copy your spouse on the message if that is the best way to get in touch with someone you need to get in touch with, or write the message publicly on the person's wall.  This is the same principle as meeting with someone of the opposite sex behind closed doors - it is to be avoided and proactively prevented whenever possible.  When you got married, it wasn't just to leave your parents and cleave to your spouse, it was also a vow of FORSAKING ALL OTHERS.  Do not create any illusion that you derive any pleasure from the company of another man/woman apart from your spouse, or give yourself the opportunity to do so.
3. Exchange FB passwords with your spouse (or be willing to).  This is a no-brainer.  If you have something to hide, you are in the wrong, no matter how innocent it is.  We are to live lives above reproach.  One way to do so is to live as transparently as possible.  There should be nothing, no interaction, on FB that your spouse is unaware of.
4. Use Facebook for GOOD in your marriage.  Flirt with each other, send messages, chat from across the room, leave encouraging messages on your spouse's wall, show the world that he/she is the most important person in your world.  Facebook doesn't have to destroy marriages.  It alone isn't good or bad (although my father would debate that with me til his dying day), so use it for good!  Build in appropriate protective factors and stick to them.

MARRIAGE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR!  Don't back down from the fight!

1 Corinthians 10:13 - "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out that you can stand up under it." NIV

---