Seriously, my friends and family have kicked it into high gear lately with their status updates and tweets. I am laughing daily at all the funny stories and clever quips. As always, I must share! Names and incriminating data have been scrubbed from these posts to protect those who may not have been TRYING to be funny. *wink
1. 5 Year Old: "This book is full of nothing but good news." (She was holding up a New Testament)
Her 6 Year Old Sister: "Umm... Jesus getting killed cause I was naughty is NOT good news."
2. "I love cats! I just can't eat a whole one by myself."
3. "Going running after work, if anyone would like to join me. Warning: I have not run for years, I will be going slow and whining the whole time."
4. Five Year Old Boy: "Girls are all scared of scary stuff. All they like is princesses and beautiful flowers. That's no way to be."
5. "Confession: When your kids show up trick-or-treating in broad daylight, hours before dusk, I secretly judge you as helicopter parents.
6. I once told a teacher I wouldn't participate in an embarrassing Folkloric dance in Spanish class because I was Baptist.
7. Watching my daughter try and open a child-proofed bottle. "I am a grown-up" she shouts at it. Then looks up at me guiltily. "I lied to it. I just wanted it to open."
8. "Crawlspace" is such a poorly named part of my house. It's the last space I want to crawl. It should be called "Spidertown Jamboree."
9. ENOUGH WITH THE HOME REPAIRS. All I can guess is that our house was built in 1973, and almost 40 years later, it is tired. Come to think of it, I know exactly how the house feels. I can relate to it on many, many levels. (this wasn't from FB or Twitter, but rather from boomama.net, but I couldn't help but include it.)
10. Dad: "Not sure what I'll be for Halloween this year. I've never been anything scary." Son: "You were Justin Bieber two years ago.....THAT was pretty scary."
I just finished the first week of a training program that is supposed to get me off the couch and running a 5K (3.1 miles) in nine short weeks. The first week involves a 25 minute workout that alternates 60 seconds of jogging with 90 seconds of walking, three times per week. As the program progresses, walking time will decrease and jogging time will increase. Yikes!
In the spirit of not taking myself or this very minor accomplishment too seriously, here are the top five things I learned prior to 7am today during my 25 minutes of jog/walking:
1. Ants, apparently, get up earlier than I do and are tougher than I am. As I was stretching at the track before my workout, I noticed little bits of "stuff" moving slowly on the ground beneath my feet. I realized they were hundreds of tiny ants carrying food-stuffs many times their body weight to an unknown location. They reminded me that I have a hard enough time carrying my own body weight. Show offs.
2. An idea of blogging about a Taylor Swift song and relating it to a deep spiritual truth, is probably the runner's high talking. Mid-way through my jog/walk, I actually had this "brilliant" idea to somehow relate Taylor's single "Our Song" to my relationship with God. Those endorphins can create CRAZY TALK in your brain, I tell ya. Beware!
3. The only place it is acceptable for me to wear spandex shorts is at the track at 6:00am when no one else is around. I think I burned more calories constantly adjusting those crazy shorts to keep them from sliding down or riding up than I did while actually jogging/walking. Thank God for long, baggy t-shirts.
4. Getting spiritual while exercising is for the advanced, not the amateur. Toward the end of my workout, as I finally realized this was going to end (eventually) and wasn't, in fact, going to kill me, I had the bright idea to pray for my friends and family during each of the 90 seconds of walking (praying for myself was all I could manage during the 60 seconds of jogging... more specifically, praying that I'd suck it up and not be a wuss and quit). Sounds reasonable enough, right, except that when I would pray while I walked I would lose track of time and the 90 seconds of blessed walking would go by too fast or I'd feel gipped somehow or I'd go longer than 90 seconds and mess up the rules of the workout plan (I'm nothing if not a rule follower). Bah! #AmateurProblems
5. Having something poking you in your shoe while jogging can make you look insane. If you were hiding behind a tree or sitting in a car somewhere, or were flying overhead in an airplane, or had concealed yourself in some other way this morning, and you had the misfortune of watching my workout while I thought I was all alone - I apologize and I feel I must explain. I HAD SOMETHING IN MY SHOE! All those crazy moves, random kicks and shakes, and the stomping, and toe tapping all while trying to continue moving in a forward direction without falling down, must have made me look a bit off my rocker. Perhaps I am...
Starting on Friday, I will be jogging for 90 seconds and walking for 2 minutes for a total of 25 minutes a day, three times per week. Heaven help me! I'll keep ya posted on the hilarity that ensues and the poignant lessons learned. I know you're on the edge of your seat.
PS - I love the little girl in the picture above. I don't know her, but I love her. I found her on Pinterest. I am not making fun of her, I am making fun of myself... she is, quite obviously, trying to dodge the bubbles that are about to land on her head and that is serious business indeed.
Today I took Timmy and three of his buddies (ages 9-11) to an amusement park and water park for the day to celebrate Timmy's 11th birthday. We met up with another family (including 2 more of Tim's friends) when we arrived.
Someone at some point commented that I am brave. Someone may have been right, however, I am also BLESSED. I laughed so hard today... I had to have burned some serious calories, right? Preteen boys are nothing if not funny. I got a kick out of listening to all of their silly conversations and joining in, when it was cool to do so, and I vowed to remember as many funny moments as I could and write them down when I got home... here's what I can recall:
- Cameron (after going on a ride called the Crazy Mouse): "Miss Carla, My stomach feels turned over." I hear ya buddy!
- When it was time to sing Happy Birthday to Tim at lunch, somehow, they broke out into the hallelujah chorus instead. We put two candles in a watermelon and he blew them out. Nontraditional is kind of our thing. (pictures below)
At one point the boys were pretending to predict what each others' futures would be like. Here are some of their predictions:
1. Timmy will marry a very short woman and move to Europe where he will tend to Alpacas for a living. He will have seven children and all will be well until one of the Alpacas decides he doesn't care for him and he will kick him so hard he'll be sent into orbit. (What a way to become an astronaut!)
2. Daniel will join the circus and be a clown. He will not make people happy. He will make them anxious and sad. (I can't remember the rest of this one, but for whatever reason it made us laugh like the dickens, even Daniel.)
3. Cameron will be a lion tamer with a whip until the lion one day gets hungry and eats him. (So sad...Imagine the funeral! I think his little brother came up with this one.)
4. Morgan requested that his future include some sort of athletic prowess, so the boys decided that Morgan would be playing professional football one day and that during a game he will go up to catch a pass and somehow instead of catching the ball he would catch his sister and spike her in the endzone for a touchdown. He would do a jig to celebrate.
OVERHEARD ON THE WAY HOME:
Tim: "Can Morgan sleep over tonight?"
Me: "Nope. We already have company. Aaron Batdorf is staying over, remember?"
Morgan: "Aaron Bad Elf???"
Tim: "No! Aaron Bad-Orf. He's not an elf, he's like really really tall."
Morgan: "Maybe he is an elf, he just has a height impairment."
Cameron: "Let's sing a song! You guys start with 'Wimoweh, wimoweh' and I'll come in."
All the Guys: "Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh"
Cameron: "In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, In the jungle the quiet jungle the lion sleeps tonight."
Me (really loudly, out of no where, and high pitched): "Ahh Weeeeeeeee Weee Oh Mamba Weh"
Morgan: "What was THAT?!?!" (laughter all around)
Daniel: "Wait, let's do it again and I'll sing and then we can all come in on that part."
All the guys: "Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh"
Daniel: "In the bathroom, the quiet bathroom, the lion goes tonight. In the bathroom, the quiet bathroom, the lion goes tonight."
All the boys (through giggles): "Ahh Weeeeeeeee Weee Oh Mamba Weh"
If you are ever in need of a good laugh and enough activity to make you sleep through the night - I highly recommend you round up a bunch of 9, 10 and 11 year old boys and take them out for a day of fun. These days are flying by. I am glad today was one for the memory books!
Lately my friends have been cracking me up via their social networking comments. Thought I'd share a few... Names have been left off to protect me from potential litigation.
1. "Out of the mouth of babes. Me: 'Kids, mommy doesn't want to be interrupted while I do my exercise video'. Daughter: 'What's that mommy?'. Older son: 'Oh you wouldn't know. It's something mommy used to do back in the olden days before you were born.'. Okay, so it's been a few years....gotta start somewhere I guess!"
2. "Did I just see someone driving with their left foot stuck out of the window--sitting on top of the side view mirror? Why yes, I do believe it was. #ThingsYouSeeOnCountryRoads"
3. "Is it wrong that my husband and I "borrowed" money from our kids' cash stash to get a churro and hot dog at Costco??"
4. "A new study shows that people with children are happier than people who are childless. This study was not taken at the airport."
5. A father on FB quoting his 1st grade daughter, "When I go to college I'm going to find a man who will dance in the rain with me, and he won't pick his nose."
6. (Status accompanying a photo of a teary-eyed toddler in a cape) "Mom ushers son into superherodom. He is not as pleased as was expected. Apparently his super power is crying."
7. Mom to preschool aged daughter: "What rhymes with big?" Daughter: "Bum?"
8. "I imagine the hardest job in the world must be working at a bubble wrap factory. You'd have to have serious self control. Must. Not. Pop. Bubbles!"
9. "Okay people of Pinterest. We need to choose. Either the dessert pics go or the thinspiration pics go. WE CAN'T HAVE BOTH!"
10. Posted by a seminary grad's wife: "Turns out the seminary lets graduates buy a certificate to honor their wives' work too. #IPreferJewelry #OrMexicanFood"
My idea of fun as a married, 37 year old mother of one:
- Playing board games with my family and/or friends and laughing out loud together
- Being taken by surprise by God's goodness, love, justice, power, creation, etc.
- Being surprised (in good ways) by my husband
- Planning a trip to a new place (I sometimes enjoy the planning more than the actual trip...classic introvert, I suppose)
- Going to the movies by myself (am I weird?)
- Double dates with great friends
- Watching Big Bang Theory with my husband (when it isn't totally inappropriate)
- Reading a fantastic book
- Researching something that interests me
- Hearing my son giggle uncontrollably
I decided to sit down and make this list today because of a particularly interesting encounter we had last night... It went something like this:
Last night at around 8:40pm, my husband and I were settled into the living room in our home, just wrapping up a conversation with a friend who had come over. We'd been sitting and talking with him for about an hour. He got up to leave and we said our goodbyes and not two minutes later there was a loud knock at the door. I assumed that it was our friend who had forgotten something or needed something. I went to the door and was shocked to open it and not see anyone there. I stood there for a second, perplexed, then I leaned my head out the door to see if someone was hiding, playing a trick. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the night, I noticed that SOMEONE WAS LYING FACE DOWN ON OUR LAWN. At first I thought, "Oh no, our friend fell on his way out to his car!" Then I remembered, someone KNOCKED on our door. How could he have fallen down and then knocked???? Then I realized that whoever was lying on the lawn was dressed differently than our friend had been.... "What are you doing?" I asked tentatively. From the opposite side of the front yard I heard the matter-of-fact reply, "Planking." I turned and looked in the direction of the reply and noticed three other people lying face down in the yard!!! What in the world?!?! Then the laughing began and they all got up and came in the house. Five college students, who we know and love. They came in, completely drenched and muddy... did I fail to mention it was cold and raining outside?!?!?! They took off their shoes and muddy, wet outer layers and we made hot chocolate and pulled out folding chairs for them to sit on and a hair dryer for them to attempt to dry off with. Then we sat and chatted for an hour about what in the world they were up to... They had been outside our house for about an hour "planking" (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=planking) and taking pictures of themselves. They planked on our stairs, against our bushes, on top of our bushes, against the walls, behind the car, on top of the car, YOU NAME IT, they planked on it. Jason and I recalled how at one point in our chat with our friend, the dogs had started barking, Jason assumed it was because of the "lightning" outside (which we realized was actually their camera flash going off). The dogs knew something was up, even if we were oblivious! Anyway, after they dried off and warmed up a bit, they headed off for the night, on to other pursuits.
After they left, Jason and I laughed and remembered back to our college days when we would have answered the question - "What's your idea of fun?" much differently than we do now. :) Although, now I need to add something new to my list:
- Being surprised by the zany antics of students who we LOVE to minister to and share life with. :)
Carla Ritz. Proof positive that God uses cracked pots!