Do you ever feel tempted to play God?  To take over?  To make something happen the way you feel strongly it should happen?  To get involved in the “how” of something that you feel confident in the “what” or “why” of?  You have!?  Want to be best friends?  I am tempted to do this on a regular basis.

I once took a strengths assessment and discovered that one of my greatest strengths is my sense of responsibility.  That sounds good, right?  Don’t you want to have people in your life who have a strong sense of responsibility?  Who won’t bail on you in the middle of something? Who will take ownership over a task? Who will not drop the ball?  Who think ahead and count the cost before committing? That sense of responsibility has served me very well these past 39 years – it helped me get good grades in school, complete my college degree, be a faithful spouse, a devoted mom, a dedicated employee.  It has helped me stay on top of finances and keep the housework from getting completely out of control.  Not a bad strength to have!

So what is lurking on the flipside of the coin of responsibility?  For me, it is a tendency to want to control things that are either beyond my ability to control or exceeding my right to control.  As a responsible mother, I want to raise my son with attention to detail – I don’t want any character issue, health need, spiritual discipline, or mental aptitude to go unnoticed or unattended.  Why? Yes , because I love him, but also because I feel responsible.  The danger comes when I take my responsibility to far.  I stop focusing only on my responsibility to do the right thing in a given situation and, in addition, take on the responsibility for the outcome of the situation as well. 

To be responsible for myself: my actions, attitudes, and words; is a wonderful thing.  To take on the responsibility for anything beyond that is where I start to get into trouble.  

In a scientific research environment, experiments are conducted to arrive at conclusions that can lead to helpful solutions to difficult problems.  Lots and lots of experiments are conducted before the solution is reached.  In order to get the specific desired outcome that they are looking for, scientists isolate all the different variables that could have an effect on the outcome of the experiment.   They do this in a sterile environment where they control every possible variable.  That way when they complete an experiment, they know exactly how and why the result was achieved and they can replicate it. 

My overreaching sense of responsibility would LOVE for life to take place in a controlled, sterile environment.  I don’t know about you, but in the complex world I live in, I can do all the right things and still end up with a result that is riddled with the effects of all the variables I couldn’t control along the way… variables like other people’s actions, attitudes, and words, my own limited understanding and perception, and the effects of an unseen spiritual war that is going on all round me at all times. 

Repeat after me: “I am only in control of myself!  I cannot control any other person on this planet without eventually hurting them.  I cannot control every variable.  I cannot control other people’s priorities or their desires.  I cannot control the outcome of any situation, only my role in it.”

Responsibility is a wonderful attribute, but taking responsibility for things that are clearly God’s responsibility is, at best, setting me up for frustration and, at worst, paving a road that leads to deception and destruction.  I think I need to create a pin board somewhere in my mind for my “Junior God” badge.  Any time I find myself overstepping my bounds, I’ll remind myself to head to that pin board and hang that badge back up where it belongs.  There is no such thing as a Junior God, but there is such a thing as a “dearly love child of God,” and that is the badge I want to wear instead.

How about you?

Today I was adding new music to my iPod for my commute to work and I started exploring the songs of JJ Heller.  I'd heard a few, but I wanted to hear more.  

One song in particular struck me immediately.  It is entitled, "Who You Are."  It describes the lives of individuals who are going through trying times; life isn't looking the way they thought it would, and they are in pain.  In their sorrow and confusion, they admit that they don't know what God is doing.  I can still hear the chorus ringing in my ears, "I don't know, I don't know what You're doing.  But I know who You are."

We can get through a lot when we know who we are walking through it with.  When we are sure.  100% certain.  No doubts.  We don't have to know everything in every situation, but we do have to know one thing for sure.  Who is it that walks with me?

The most heart-wrenching time in any relationship comes when one offends the other to the point where the offendee begins to not only take offense at the wrong doing, but to go so far as to question whether or not he really knew this friend in the first place.  This sense of betrayal is a common theme in movies.  We've all heard lines like, "I never even knew you."  or "Who are you, anyway?"   It feeds into our innate fear of trust.  Our fear of giving ourselves completely to another person.  There is always the risk that the wool is being pulled over your eyes, that what you wanted to believe about your friend, or lover, or parent, or mentor isn't actually true.  That's when the walls crumble down around you and the way out seems bleak.

BUT, what if you knew?  What if you never had to wonder?  What if you were absolutely certain that the character & capacity of the one you put your trust in was ROCK SOLID?  How many more confusing times could you make your way through together?  How many perceived offenses could you see past? How much deeper could the water get without you panicking?  How much higher would the mountains be that you could climb with him beside you?  It is almost impossible to fathom, if you have been repeatedly burned in your earthly relationships... that this kind of trust could exist.

When JJ Heller sings, "Who You Are," this is what she is singing about. She is reminding herself and all of us that we can know God.  His character is described vividly and consistently in the Bible and we can count on him to be who He says He is. Every. Single. Time.  

Circumstances will change.

God will not.

*This is cheating, because it is really better when you open your own Bible and pray your very own prayers and let God show Himself to you PERSONALLY, but - if you need a jump-start, a crash course in the character of God - this is a good place to start.

Not one moment that we spend reading the Bible, praying, listening to godly men and women teach and share, acting on what we learn, not one single moment is wasted.  Over time, each of these acts becomes a building block in our relationship with Jesus Christ.  His character IS rock solid.  But in our fallen human state, having encountered unpredictable and untrustworthy people time and time again, we don't come to put our full weight on Him over night.  It comes in time.  It is built by experience.  Give Him a chance.  He will prove to be exactly who He says He is, and that knowledge can make the sun rise after even the darkest of nights.

Well they say it's your birthday!  Well it's my birthday too!  

We are getting ready to head out on a hike to Cedar Falls in a little while, but I wanted to write down some thoughts that are on my mind before we head out and I get busy with the plans of the day.  I hope these reflections will be a blessing to you as they have been to me today.

In church this morning, we read a portion of the account of the life of Joseph from the book of Genesis in the Bible.  Here are the notes I wrote as I listened and pondered God's goodness in the life of Joseph even as things around him were less than idyllic:

• In Chapter 40, verse 13 of Genesis, Joseph is in prison and interprets a dream for the Pharaoh's cup-bearer (a fellow prisoner) in which he tells him that the Pharaoh will "lift up his head" and restore him to his position.  I find it interesting (and heart-wrenching) that Joseph ends up being the bearer of this good news.  How Joseph must have longed for his God to lift HIS head and restore HIM to HIS position, and yet it was not time.  The cup-bearer had only been in prison a short period of time, while Joseph had been behind bars for years at this point.  He deserved to be set free, but God gave him the task of proclaiming another's freedom.  How ironic.  How humbling. How difficult!  Still, Joseph was faithful.
  
• In Chapter 41, verse 16, Joseph points Pharaoh to the One True God even though the Pharaoh, who was considered as a god in his culture, was willing to give the credit to Joseph.  It becomes obvious that honesty reigns supreme in Joseph's value system here.  This makes me think, Do I trust God enough to give Him the glory when others (even "important others") are willing to give the credit and glory to ME and exalt ME - especially at those times when emotionally and spiritually, I really feel like I could use a little "lifting of my head?"  Or do I honestly believe that in due time God will exalt me and that His opinion is the only one that matters and that all other exaltation is inferior to His?

The applause of men can be enticing, especially when we are feeling low or needy, but accepting it is dishonest and settling for it is foolish when the God of the universe deserves the credit and the God of the universe is the true lifter of your head.  


Psalm 3:3 (NLT) "But you, O LORD, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high." 


On my birthday today, I praise the One who knit me together in my mother's womb and who, in His great mercy, has saved my soul and given me a life filled with meaning and purpose!  He has repeatedly lifted my head in due time and been my source of greatest joy and greatest satisfaction in life.  May I serve him well with as many more days/weeks/years as He gives me!

To My 20 Year Old Self,

Hi.  Do you have any idea how much potential you have?  No, you don’t; I know because I was you 17 years ago.  Let me enlighten you a bit from this side of 35, sweet girl.  God has wired you uniquely, hand-crafted your personality, your talents, your intelligence, and your creativity for a purpose.  Please, don’t get hung up on what that purpose is right now or how it will play out throughout your lifetime.  Please don’t let it paralyze you.  Please don’t lie awake at night fretting over whether or not to change your major or whether or not you’ll be able to get a job when you graduate or whether or not you’ll ever get married.  

Stick with what your prayers and your gut are telling you for now, for today and trust God with the future.  Concentrate on your character right now more than your path.  “The second half of a man’s life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half,” (Dostoevsky).   In the meantime, don’t pretend that you have got it all figured out, even if people expect you to.  Yes, your future may very well include things like a successful career, marriage, motherhood, influence, ministry and more; but it may not look anything like what you imagine those things to be right now – and that is a good thing. 

A successful career might be that position at the law office downtown or a low paying job that pays the rent and finds you doing something that you never knew you were made to do.  Marriage might mean a white wedding dress followed by 50+ years with a godly man or perhaps remaining loyal to God and God alone for the rest of your days.  Motherhood may include bringing up sons and daughters who come into your life through childbirth or adoption, or it could look more like mentoring girls and boys younger than you or foster-parenting for a season.  Influence may involve writing that book that everyone reads and raves about or it could be displayed more quietly as you devote time and attention to the handful of special people God puts under your care.  Ministry may involve travel and large crowds and the salvation of many, or it may be quietly holding the hands of those who no one else notices and introducing them to a Savior you’ll never be sure this side of heaven if they completely accept. 

Whatever lies ahead for you, rest assured, IT IS GOOD.  It is so good, that you can’t imagine something better, no matter how hard you try.  You can’t make it better by worrying about it now either, so don’t bother.  God is the one who makes it good and His work in your life isn’t dependent on your planning or fretting or manipulating your situation.  It is only dependent on your obedience.  Walk with Him.  Trust Him.  He knows the way.

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’”  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV.  Believe Him that this is true, even when things are hard. 

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 ESV.  Trust that He knows your heart better than you know it yourself.

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105 KJV. Learn to love God through relying on His word, the Bible.  It is relevant and it is breathtaking.

“The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?” Proverbs 20:24 NLT.  Don’t be afraid to ask God “Why?” when you don’t understand the detours, but be willing to accept and keep moving forward when he answers with “I’m not going to tell you right now.”

Above all, commit to laying all of your plans and hopes and dreams at His feet on a regular basis.  Some of them He may one day give back to you, wrapped in his beautiful grace.  Others he will discard, because of His infinite mercy, replacing them with something that He desires you to have even more.  Either way, you will have your treasure – a life of meaning and purpose, and a relationship with the God who planned it that way from the beginning.

Love,

Me

Today during the discussion we had in the Sunday School class that we attended, I was reminded of a habit that we have gotten into as a family.  A good habit!  Every time Timothy has a birthday, Jason and I give him a new privilege and a new responsibility based on his age and ability level.  Hmmm, what does that have to do with Sunday School...? I'm glad you asked.

We were discussing how grateful we are that God doesn't confront us with every single sinful attitude and action in our lives all at once.  We were comforted with the fact that sanctification is a lifelong process and that His grace is sufficient through it all.  That made me think of Timmy's birthday privilege and responsibility, because as Christians one of the worst things that we can do is compare ourselves with other believers.  That comparison either leaves us gloating in our privileges and mastery of our responsibilities or leaves us feeling like dirt... neither attitude is godly.  

Here is a practical example: On Tim's 10th birthday, his new responsibility was to make his bed daily.  He was finally tall enough and his arms were finally long enough to do the job right.  
 - Does this mean that Tim's bed had gone unmade for the previous 10 years?  No.  We took care of it until we were convinced he was able.
 - Does that mean that we were secretly harboring anger toward Tim for the previous 10 years because beds need to be made and he wasn't making his?  No.  We hadn't asked him to do that yet, nor did we feel like he was ready for that responsibility.  There were other things we had him working on in the meantime (setting the table, picking up dog poop in the yard, vacuuming, putting away dishes, etc.).
 - Does that mean that the 7, 8, and 9 year old friends that Tim had who had already been making their beds themselves were better than Tim?  No.  They had been given different responsibilities by their parents that had nothing to do with what was between Tim and his parents.

If that makes perfect sense to us, why do we not always carry that principle with us into the spiritual realm.  Why do we look down our noses at people who "call themselves Christians" but still sin in ways we don't?  Or, on the other side of that coin, why do we look at others who have mastery over something and declare ourselves worthless because we aren't there yet.  God convicts us all and equips us all as He sees fit as we grow up and mature in Him.  He doesn't expect everything from us all at once and we shouldn't expect it of each other.  

The moral of this story?
1. You may be making your bed daily, but don't gloat over your brother or sister with the unmade bed... chances are he/she has been busy picking up dog poop.  Want to trade?
2. Thank God for His grace that is sufficient for every task and every mistake we make along the way.  He knows what we are capable of and He never asks more of us than we can accomplish with His strength and support.  What a loving Father!

2 Peter 3:18 (NASB): "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen."

Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) "...speaking the truth in love we will all grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ."

The feeling of tears of frustration and fatigue running down my cheeks is an uncommon sensation for me... not entirely unheard of, but uncommon.  I am known more for my loud, boisterous laughter than for outbursts of tears. Today, however, was a day when playing the "waiting game" felt like a bit too much to ask of me, and the tears flowed freely.  Do you ever feel that way?  Like what life is requiring of you in the moment seems a bit too much to take?  Like what GOD is requiring of you is taking a bit too long and hurting a bit too much with not enough of an explanation of the "why" behind it all or the "when" of its eventual ending?  I'm right there with you.

In my heart I know the Truth: 

• God will work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28. 
• His ways are not our ways. Isaiah 55:8. 
• Who am I to question God anyway? Romans 9:20. 
• Waiting on God will eventually lead to a renewal of my strength. Psalm 27:14.
• He comforts us in our sufferings so we can one day comfort others with the same comfort that we've experienced from Him.  2 Corinthians 1:4
• God promises that endurance will produce maturity in me, so I can and should consider the stages of life that require endurance as PURE JOY.  James 1:2-4

I get it.  I know it is true and I will stand by these truths until the day I die and beyond, but every once in awhile, the intensity of the emotions involved in the living-out of these Truths pushes me to the brink and the tears fall and it is then that I am most grateful for the ministry of the Holy Spirit.  It is truly an all-knowing and all-loving God who not only gives us the Truth to frame our worldview, but also provides relief for our human weakness when living out the Truth is hard and frankly, makes us cry  - "In the same way the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26.


Thank you, Father.  You are good.  All the time.