He walked in the door on Monday afternoon, fresh from a ride home on the school bus, dropped his things on the floor and started into his rant before he even had his jacket off... "They're on to me, Mom!"  Well, that sure got my attention.  He proceeded to tell us a story about a missing Agenda (aka: important middle school notebook that is a required tool for keeping track of assignments and info from teachers).  The tale was lengthy and harrowing and passionately delivered and at its conclusion Tim stated emphatically that he was 99% certain it was not missing at all, but rather had been STOLEN.  He then seemed perplexed that his father and I were not in a total state of outrage over this shocking revelation.  

Meanwhile, Jason and I were trying to figure out what in the world he meant by the statement, "They're on to me."  Jason was the first to sort through it.  "Son, I think what you meant to say is that 'They have it out for you,' or 'They're out to get you.'"  "Oh," he said. We went on to talk about how middle school is middle school and no one escapes unscathed, and how it also isn't wise to make accusations or get emotionally caught up in things that you can't control, but the real lesson that came out of that moment was, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY TO MOM AND DAD - THEY WILL USE IT TO MOCK YOU MERCILESSLY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.  Ever since Monday, "They're on to me," has become Jason and I's mantra.  We use it frequently and with great delight on any given occasion, much to Timmy's chagrin.  Give it a try sometime, it's fun! :)

On a serious note: The comparison of the two phrases is a great lesson for all of us.  Are we tempted to assume the world is out to get us when things go wrong?  Are we hiding anything that would cause us to be devastated to find out if someone was, in fact, on to us?  Neither of these is any way to live!  Honesty, integrity and perspective!  May we all have them in abundance and strive to keep them all the days of our lives.

P.S. The agenda was located the next morning.  All is well.  

Yesterday my son went with his youth group to volunteer with Target:Dayton.  They served a meal to the people who came in need of one.  Some were homeless, others barely getting by.  Timmy was in charge of the coffee.  

As we drove home, after the bus dropped him back off at our local church, I asked him about his experience.  These are the 3 simple things he shared with me and the profound lessons I learned from him:

1. Tim's quote: "Not everyone there "looked" homeless."  Mom's lesson: Not everyone I meet today who could use my help or encouragement will "look" like they need it.  That doesn't mean I should withhold it.  Target:Dayton provides their services indiscriminately and lets each individual decide whether or not they need them and want to receive them.  I should be so generous with my time, resources and attention.

2. Tim's quote: "I didn't know there were so many people in Dayton that were homeless.  There were so many of them." Mom's lesson: The need in the world is greater than I realize or have ever actually seen with my own eyes.  If I saw it all at once, it would likely overwhelm me and paralyze me.  The need is great.  I would be wise not to forget that.

3. Tim's quote: "There was a lady who worked there who came up to me and told me I was doing a good job."  Mom's lesson: It helps to know when we are on the right track.  Serving others isn't easy and when I see someone doing it well, I should tell them so.  We all secretly wonder whether what we are doing is making a difference and whether we are "doing it right."  Words of encouragement are precious gifts that keep the givers giving.

One bonus lesson I learned: The first time our children (or any one else for that matter) experience something, we need to pay attention to their reactions and descriptions.  When we have "been there and done that," we forget the power of a first experience and the unique perspective that comes with it.  

A couple of weeks ago, I told my son a story that helped renew his faith in God's existence.  It got me thinking. How do I know God exists?  I have no idea how long this post is going to turn out to be, but I'm going to pour out from my heart whatever comes to mind from my personal experience that reassures me that I know MY GOD exists.  I am going to focus on ways that are personal to me, this isn't going to be an academic or intellectual endeavor this time around, although the evidence is staggering! (Check out the references at the end of this post for more information on the more universal evidence pointing to God's existence.)  These reasons are all mine.  You could refute them in a million ways, and explain them away, but it won't take away from my joy or my confidence.  My hope doesn't rest on these experiences, (that hope comes from the Bible and the Bible alone) but my faith has been strengthened by them along the way.

1. I have been protected from COUNTLESS mishaps as a naive younger woman that cannot be explained.  I should have been harmed.  Period.
2. I once read my Bible one morning and then went to work and shared what I had learned with a co-worker who sobbed, telling me that she had randomly opened her Bible that very morning in desperation and read the exact same portion of scripture and got up bereaved because she didn't understand it.  I had, unknowingly, interpreted it for her, and it spoke directly to a situation she was going through that I was unaware of.
3. I have woken up in the middle of the night with crystal clear ideas about ministry that I couldn't have come up with on my own.
4. I have been offered jobs and promotions that my own knowledge and skill set could not have commanded on their own.
5. My soul has been saved. Of that I have no doubts.
6. I have a strong desire to be in church with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Every. Sunday.
7. I have had just the right friends at just the right times in my life.
8. My heart rate accelerates alarmingly whenever I am in a Bible Study or Sunday School class and I feel like I am supposed to speak up about something.  Whatever comes out of my mouth in those moments is passionate and very different emotionally than any other context where I might share things with a group.
9. There has been more than one occasion in my life when I needed a certain amount of money and God has provided it either to the penny, or above and beyond.
10. When we moved across the country (at God's leading), we left before our house had sold.  We got a solid offer 100 miles before our car crossed the border into the new State we would be living in.
11. When our foster daughters were brought to our home, I experienced the most unbelievable feeling of peace and a sustaining energy that I had never felt before.  I sensed God's pleasure and His provision.
12. I have been able to forgive offenses that would have haunted others for decades.
13. When my son uttered his belief in Christ and asked for forgiveness of his sins at the tender age of 6, he said and did some very specific things that made my heart sing and tears roll down my face.  I had been fearful that he would attempt to make that decision too early in life and that he wouldn't really understand it and that I would be plagued with doubts.  I have never doubted the reality of that experience for him.
14. I felt compelled to spend some time in intensive research of a specific portion of the Bible.  My husband agreed to me being away from the house for 3-4 hours a day for a month as I studied and wrote.  When it was all said and done, we didn't know what I was supposed to do with the final product.  We prayed about it.  Four months later a friend called and asked me if I would speak at weekend women's retreat at her church.  I had already prepared for it and I didn't even know she was going to ask.
15. My husband is not the man that I spent my college years looking for, and yet he is completely and utterly perfect for me in every way possible.  He came into my life unexpectedly and in a desert place (literally).
16. Many times when I read the Bible I find myself getting very excited or weeping, or compelled to act on what I've read.  This book was written by men who lived 2,000 years before I came on the scene, who lived in a very different cultural context.  There is no other book I have this reaction to.
17. Two of our foster daughters' mother was in a coma and very near to death.  I taught them to pray for the first times in their lives and we daily prayed for her recovery.  She bounced back.
18. My son has an inner joy and an adaptability that we could never have instilled in him on our own.  It is a gift from God that has sustained him through a lot of changes.
19. My parents moved to Southeast Asia as missionaries before my son learned to crawl.  I prayed that he would somehow be able to bond with them and love them well even though the distance couldn't have been greater.  They never spent a Christmas, Thanksgiving or birthday with us for the first 8 years of his life.  As an 11 year old boy, he LIGHTS UP at the thought of spending time with them and loves them deeply as though they lived down the street.
20. I am rarely without a song in my heart.

These are a few of my faith-builders over the years.  They are not yours.  They aren't the bottom-line proof of my faith in God, but they are the icing on the cake.  

Looking for more concrete answers to your questions about God:
1. Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry website - go here and click on "Questions."
2. Evidence That Demands A Verdict - a book by Josh McDowell
3. Give Me An Answer website - by Cliff Knechtle

Or - pick up a Bible - say a prayer telling God you want to find Him - seek out a Bible believing church to start attending - and see what happens:
"You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." - God.  Jeremiah 29:13

"Mom, sometimes I have thoughts like, 'Is God really real?'"  

This statement is part of a conversation I almost didn't have with my 11 year old son, Timothy, yesterday in the car on the way home from Wal-Mart.  Once I had time to process that entire conversation and the events of that day, I knew that I would need to share it here.  Some things are just too important NOT to share.

Earlier this week, Hurricane Sandy brought rain, snow, flooding, power outages, and havoc all throughout the northeastern United States.  My husband, who has been gifted with a heart that longs to serve others in tangible ways, immediately sensed that he was meant to help those who were affected in some way by the flooding and devastation that the storm caused.  He knew he had to go.  We have been out on a limb (where God has called us to be) in so many ways, over so many years, that I didn't even bat an eye at this.  Could we afford for him to go? No.  Did we know how it would happen or where he would stay? No.  Did that matter? No.

Jason pulled $500 out of our emergency fund, packed his duffel bag, pillow and sleeping bag, borrowed a church van (loaded with bottled water donated by church members), and I prayed over him and kissed him goodbye at 8:30am on Wednesday morning.  Sometime before lunchtime that very same day, I got a phone call from someone we dearly love.  He had been planning to make a donation to a disaster relief organization to help with Hurricane Sandy recovery efforts and heard that Jason was going.  He asked how we were paying for the trip and I told him that God would provide.  He said he was standing at his bank counter and wanted to wire money into our account to help out, and could I please give him our routing number and account number!  Guess how much he gave, without me ever telling him what we needed.  $500 exactly.  That money, combined with the $120 that various people from Grace Baptist of Cedarville had pushed into our hands/pockets as they dropped off bottled water, will no doubt meet whatever needs come up in the days ahead as Jason offers a cup of cold water, a hot meal, the gospel of Christ, and his physical labor to those who need it most.

Wednesday afternoon, as Timothy and I were driving back from Wal-Mart, I hesitated to tell him that story.  I didn't know if he was old enough to really understand the process of trusting God in that way.  I didn't want to give him a false impression that you could just run out and do whatever you wanted for God and that he would throw money at you to cover the cost.  Still, something in my spirit told me it was worth the risk that he might learn the "wrong lesson" in order to share what God had done and give Him glory.  When I relayed the story, Timmy had the biggest smile.  He said, "Mom, sometimes I have thoughts like, 'Is God really real?' Then I hear stories like that and I KNOW.  I KNOW HE IS REAL and I think how stupid it is to think He isn't."

I am so glad I shared that story with my son.  Just in case someone who is reading this is wondering, "Is God really real?"  I thought I should share it with you as well.  Two questions for you today:

1. What spiritual conversation have you not had with a young person in your life because you aren't sure he/she is ready for it?  May I venture to suggest you give it a try?  Children and young adults are far more spiritually attuned than we give them credit for!

2. What has God done in your life lately that you need to share with someone else?  I know how much that story encouraged my son, and I am hoping it encourages you as well.  What stories of His goodness have you not shared with others?  We need to hear them!

Hebrews 10:25 NLT "And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near."

A few days ago, my son and I went on an early morning walk to the local coffee shop.  Well, I walked anyway.  Timmy rode his scooter.  To his credit he stayed with me most of the way, and when we reached a long stretch of smooth sidewalk, I gave him clearance to leave me behind and enjoy the ride.  As I walked along by myself, I noticed that I kept passing these tiny little black insects on the sidewalk.  They looked like miniature caterpillars.  Every few steps I would pass one, slowly making its way across the path.  I had to be careful not to step on them.  In the half mile I walked, I probably passed 50 of them!

Eventually I caught up to Tim who was waiting for me at the street the coffee shop was on.  We went inside and enjoyed some time together, sipping our drinks and chatting about the day ahead, and then we started the trek back home, hoping to make it back before it started to rain on us.  As I walked and Tim rode his scooter, I asked him how many of those black caterpillar-y bugs he thought he had passed on the ride to the coffee shop.  He had no idea what I was talking about.  One by one, as we walked, I started pointing them out to him as we passed by them.  "Look!  There's one.  And another!  And Another!"  He was shocked that he could have missed them.  I explained to him that he was going so fast, that their movement was undetectable to him, so he probably just saw them as tiny black lines on the sidewalk, if he saw them at all.  I was going slow enough that I could take notice of them, perceive their comings and goings and realize what they truly were.  

Before I knew it, Timmy was off again scootering toward home.  I was left thinking about how much of life I race by every single day, and what I am missing in the process.

Today I read an article on CNN.com entitled, "To Spank or Not to Spank, Where Do You Draw the Line?"  Talk about a controversial topic that will not go away!  The article was written to draw attention to another CNN.com article summarizing a study published in the Journal of Pediatrics about the effects of physical punishment on mental health.  Whenever and where ever this topic is brought up it sparks strong opinions and heated debate.  

In the past, I have worked in social work settings, public schools, and for nonprofit agencies that work with young children.  As such, I have been a mandated reporter of child abuse for many years out of my life.  One social work program I worked for had a sign on the wall of their building that said, "You have entered a NO SPANKING zone."  In many people's minds, spanking (of all manners) is equated with physical abuse of a child, and witnessing it would be a reason to call Child Protective Services.  I remember once when my son was close to 3 years old and I took him to see our family practitioner for a rash that he had developed suddenly.  He had never had a problem at the doctor's office before, and I had no reason to expect that he would COMPLETELY FREAK OUT on this particular visit... but he did.  He didn't want anyone touching him, talking to him, or even looking at him.  He went so far as to kick (hard) and scream.  I was flabbergasted and distressed.  I had NEVER seen him react this way and I was more than a little bit stunned by his uncharacteristic behavior.  In the middle of my son's kicking and screaming fit, the doctor calmly said to me, "How do you discipline him at home?"  "EXCUSE ME?!?"  I said, over my son's shrieks.  "When he misbehaves at home, what do you do?" the doctor persisted, calmly.  Completely taken aback, I mumbled something about time outs, while inwardly, I was reminding myself that this doctor was a mandated reporter, and that I needed to be very careful about how I answered him.  His next question floored me, "Do you ever use force to correct him?" he asked in an elevated voice to be heard over the wails.  "I think we are done here," I said emphatically, "We are leaving!" and I picked my son up and took him outside.  At this point I was shaking inwardly and outwardly.  I was shocked at my son's behavior and more than a little concerned about him, and I was also shocked at the doctor's words.  What was he implying?!?!  I didn't want to strap my son into his car seat while he was still making such a fuss, so I stood outside the doctor's office talking calmly, but firmly, to him about both the doctor's office visit, AND his inappropriate behavior.  As he was calming down, the nurse came out, apologizing and joined us to look at my son's rash (as he started screaming again), and she quickly gave me some basic medical advice and I thanked her and got the heck outta there.  I got home from that visit and put my son down for a nap.  I called my husband at work in hysterics and anger, and described to him the doctor's visit.  He said he would handle it and we hung up the phone.  Later that night, around 6pm, well after the doctor's office had closed, I got a phone call from our physician.  He said that my husband had called him and then the doctor surprised me by profusely apologizing for the incident.  He explained to me that in that moment, while my child was kicking and screaming, he felt that a good swift spanking would have worked wonders, and while he couldn't recommend as much, he was trying to subtly give me the option to be able to say, "Yes, I occasionally discipline him by spanking and if you'll just give us a moment alone, I think we can handle this and get on with this visit."  What a miscommunication!  I was convinced the doctor felt like I was probably physically abusive at home and that my son wouldn't be reacting that way if I didn't have a history of beating him.  Meanwhile the doctor was thinking nothing of the sort, rather he felt that at my son's age and with the way he was behaving, a swift physical reprimand would be best.

Let's just clear the air:

As a child, I was spanked on more than one occasion, both by my parents and by a teacher at my public elementary school when I misbehaved.  It wasn't the only method of correction I experienced, but it was one of them.

As a mother, I have spanked my son.  it isn't the only method of correction I have used, but it is one of them.

There, the cat is out of the bag.  You know my spanking history and my opinions about the topic - OR DO YOU?  The word "spanking" means different things to different people.  It conjures different images based on people's past experiences.  Is spanking wrong?  Well, what do you consider spanking?  If you believe that flying off the handle and hitting a child in anger over their frustratingly bad behavior is spanking, then I will tell you that by your definition, spanking is abusive.  That is NOT, however, how I define spanking, nor is it how I have ever treated my child.  Spanking, in my vocabulary, is a swat (one or more) on the backside that a child knows is coming and knows why it is coming, followed by an embrace and sincere reassurance of love.  It is not done in anger, and it is not done without careful control on the part of the parent.  It is not done without first discussing the willful disobedience thoroughly with the child.  Just like any other negative consequence for bad behavior, spanking is to be carefully thought out and used as a tool to correct and restore a child - not to shame or berate them or harm them in any way.  If that is how you define spanking as well, then I will tell you that spanking is not abusive in the slightest.


The study published by the Journal of Pediatrics relates things like slapping, hitting, grabbing, pushing and shoving of a child (by a parent, as a form of discipline) to a 2-7% greater likelihood of  mood disorders, anxiety disorders, substance abuse and personality disorders later in life.  This description has nothing to do with spanking as I know it and define it.  

Bottom line, the study had nothing to do with spanking as I know it and everything to do with out of control parenting.  Parenting is hard work.  No. Doubt. About. It.  If the world is going to go the way of CNN, then I hope the Christian church does NOT.  Let's focus on supporting parents and giving them tools to better shepherd their children's hearts, and stop throwing around poorly defined, controversial topics in an effort to garner a reaction.

Galatians 5:22-23 NIV "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things THERE IS NO LAW."

Today I took Timmy and three of his buddies (ages 9-11) to an amusement park and water park for the day to celebrate Timmy's 11th birthday.  We met up with another family (including 2 more of Tim's friends) when we arrived.  

Someone at some point commented that I am brave.  Someone may have been right, however, I am also BLESSED. I laughed so hard today... I had to have burned some serious calories, right?  Preteen boys are nothing if not funny.  I got a kick out of listening to all of their silly conversations and joining in, when it was cool to do so, and I vowed to remember as many funny moments as I could and write them down when I got home... here's what I can recall:



 - Cameron (after going on a ride called the Crazy Mouse): "Miss Carla, My stomach feels turned over."  I hear ya buddy!

 - When it was time to sing Happy Birthday to Tim at lunch, somehow, they broke out into the hallelujah chorus instead.  We put two candles in a watermelon and he blew them out. Nontraditional is kind of our thing. (pictures below)


At one point the boys were pretending to predict what each others' futures would be like.  Here are some of their predictions:
1. Timmy will marry a very short woman and move to Europe where he will tend to Alpacas for a living.  He will have seven children and all will be well until one of the Alpacas decides he doesn't care for him and he will kick him so hard he'll be sent into orbit.  (What a way to become an astronaut!)
2. Daniel will join the circus and be a clown.  He will not make people happy.  He will make them anxious and sad.  (I can't remember the rest of this one, but for whatever reason it made us laugh like the dickens, even Daniel.)
3. Cameron will be a lion tamer with a whip until the lion one day gets hungry and eats him. (So sad...Imagine the funeral!  I think his little brother came up with this one.)
4. Morgan requested that his future include some sort of athletic prowess, so the boys decided that Morgan would be playing professional football one day and that during a game he will go up to catch a pass and somehow instead of catching the ball he would catch his sister and spike her in the endzone for a touchdown.  He would do a jig to celebrate.

OVERHEARD ON THE WAY HOME:
Tim: "Can Morgan sleep over tonight?"
Me: "Nope.  We already have company.  Aaron Batdorf is staying over, remember?"
Morgan:  "Aaron Bad Elf???"  
Tim: "No!  Aaron Bad-Orf.  He's not an elf, he's like really really tall."
Morgan: "Maybe he is an elf, he just has a height impairment."

Cameron: "Let's sing a song!  You guys start with 'Wimoweh, wimoweh' and I'll come in."
All the Guys: "Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh"
Cameron: "In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, In the jungle the quiet jungle the lion sleeps tonight."
Me (really loudly, out of no where, and high pitched): "Ahh Weeeeeeeee Weee Oh Mamba Weh"
Morgan: "What was THAT?!?!"  (laughter all around)
Daniel: "Wait, let's do it again and I'll sing and then we can all come in on that part."
All the guys: "Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh, Wimoweh"
Daniel: "In the bathroom, the quiet bathroom, the lion goes tonight.  In the bathroom, the quiet bathroom, the lion goes tonight."
All the boys (through giggles): "Ahh Weeeeeeeee Weee Oh Mamba Weh"

If you are ever in need of a good laugh and enough activity to make you sleep through the night - I highly recommend you round up a bunch of 9, 10 and 11 year old boys and take them out for a day of fun.  These days are flying by.  I am glad today was one for the memory books!  

I went to a local book sale yesterday.  It was in an old high school gymnasium and there were rows and rows of folding tables covered with all kinds of books, all for $2 or less.  I went SLOWLY up and down every aisle not wanting to miss a potential treasure.  The stack of books I walked away with made me laugh.  There is no rhyme or reason to the things that caught my attention, but I suppose that is also just part of who I am.  I like a multitude of authors,a plethora of genres, a variety of musicians, and don't even try to pin me down on what my favorite color or animal is!!  How can one get tied down to just one of ANYTHING?!? ... other than a spouse, of course.  :)

One of the books that caught my attention was, Faith of Our Fathers, by John McCain.  I brought it home (for 50 cents, no less), and started reading it last night.  In the prologue, are the following quotes:

“Our family lived on the move, rooted not in a location, but in the culture of the Navy.  I learned from my mother not just to take the constant disruptions in stride, but to welcome them as elements of an interesting life.”

“First made a migrant by the demands of my father’s career, in time I became self-moving, a rover by choice.  In such a life, some fine things are left behind, and missed.  But bad times are left behind as well.  You move on, remembering the good, while the bad grows obscure in the distance.” 

I had to pause after reading this section and think about the influence that John McCain's mother had on his life.  The book itself, is not about her.  It is about his father and his grandfather, who were both Four Star Admirals, and about McCain's own life and how he tried to live up to his impressive military heritage.  Even so, his mention of this gift of perspective from his mother in the prologue speaks volumes to me about the impact we can have in shaping our children's view of the context of their lives.  His father and grandfather gave him an example to strive toward and his mother gave him a proper perspective of the challenges of his military upbringing.  These influences came together, by God's grace, to make John McCain into a man who, later in life as a prisoner of war, had the fortitude to refuse a dishonorable early release by his captors based on his family legacy and endure five years of torture and solitary confinement.  

As parents, it is our responsibility to give our children an example to follow and an attitude to embrace.  Children don't get to choose the family or the circumstances that they are born into, but they do get to choose their attitude.  There were many times in John McCain's life when he resented the pressure of being the son and grandson of Navy Admirals.  His mother could have commiserated with him... she, no doubt, suffered greatly as the wife of a man who was away more than he was home and who was constantly in harms way.  But she didn't.  She taught him that his life was "interesting," not bad, "interesting."  Over time, this birthed in him an ability to see his circumstances as  temporal and his chosen attitude as permanent.  

As a little girl, my parents moved our family from Florida to Arizona.  We moved away from every family member and friend we knew.  We moved from a lovely, brick ranch home on acreage with a pond in the backyard and horses across the street to an aluminum mobile home in a trailer park in the desert.  You might think that as a child, I was devastated by the change.  I was not.  It was an adventure!  It was an adventure because my mother and father made it an adventure.  I vividly remember my mother telling me about the "chandelier" hanging in the dining room of our new home in Arizona.  (It was really a simple hanging light fixture, but because of my mother's excitement and description, it was a chandelier to all of us, and we couldn't wait to get to Arizona to see it.)  I remember as we drove across the county line in Arizona, as we crested a hill and the town we would be living in came into view, my father said with great pride, "Look!  The promised land!"  It was lovely, but it was a different kind of lovely than we had ever seen before... desert instead of forests, wide open spaces, sand and bright red rock formations instead of grass and lush greenery, a man-made lake instead of the Gulf of Mexico. In that moment, and for the rest of my childhood, however, there would be no comparing it to what we had known before, it was only "the promised land." 

As an adult I have moved many times and seen much of the country and I am grateful to my parents who gave me an example to live up to and an attitude to embrace, and now it is mine to pass on to my son.

Proverbs 22:6 KJV "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."