Whenever someone gets married, we say they are "taking the plunge," or making a "leap of faith."  Everyone recognizes that going into marriage, you can't possibly know everything about the person that you are committing to spend your life with, and yet, we do it anyway.  We admit we don't know it all, but that what we do know is enough.

In the Bible, in the letter to the Hebrews, the 11th chapter and 1st verse, we read that "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen," and in the sixth verse of the same chapter we learn that "Without faith, it is impossible to please God."  As a parent, this makes complete sense to me: without my son having faith in me, he will never please me.  Never.  His faith in me is the evidence that we have a good relationship, that he acknowledges my love for him and my good intentions toward him.  If he continually questions me and never trustfully relaxes in my presence, how could I ever be pleased with that relationship?  It is the same in our relationship with God, our Father, and rightfully so.  

Similar to marriage, if we have committed to spend our lives with Him, what we do know about Him should be enough.  That doesn't mean we stop getting to know Him after that commitment is made - most married couples learn far more about each other after the wedding day than they do  before - but it does mean that we live out our days in both knowledge AND faith - growing in both, but not swerving from what we originally held to when we made that "leap of faith" to begin with.

This reflection on faith, led me to look up places in the Bible that shed more light on the word.  Here is what I learned:

1. Faith is more precious than gold. (1 Peter 1:7)
2. Faith results in the salvation of our souls. (1 Peter 1:9, Ephesians 2:8)
3. Faith is the victory that overcomes the world. (1 John 5:4)
4. Faith is required for miraculous healing. (Mark 10:52, Luke 8:48, Matthew 9:2, 22, 29, Matthew 8:5-13, Acts 6:8)
5. It doesn't take much faith (relatively speaking) to be able to live out life to the fullest (the size of a mustard seed would suffice). (Matthew 17:20)
6. Faith purifies and sanctifies hearts. (Acts 15:9, 26:18)
7. Local churches are established by faith. (Acts 16:5)
8. Faith brings comfort. (Romans 1:12)
9. Faith is counted as righteousness by God, which is good news because there is no one who actually IS righteous, not even one. (Romans 4:5-20)
10. Faith is the key that grants us access to God's grace. (Romans 5:2)
11. Things that don't come by faith, are often sinful. (Romans 14:23)
12. Faith exercised apart from love is worthless. (1 Corinthians 13:2)
13. There is only one true faith. (Ephesians 4:5)
14. Faith brings unity. (Ephesians 4:13)
15. Faith is a shield against the devil. (Ephesians 6:16)
16. God's promises are inherited through faith and patience. (Hebrews 6:12)
17. When faith is tested (and it WILL be tested), the believer acquires perseverance. (James 1:3)
18. Faith is a required prerequisite when asking God for wisdom. Faith that God is all-wise and that He willingly imparts wisdom to His children. (James 1:6)

I also learned through studying the scriptures about faith that we have internal and external responsibilities once we have invested faith in God:


Internally we are to:

• Pray and continually ask God to help us have more faith in Him. The Bible tells us that the apostles (those who walked most closely with Jesus) asked him to increase their faith, so should we (Luke 17:5).  
• Hold on to the faith that we do have.  Kind of like dating your spouse, we are to nourish our first love and not let it be torn down by emotions, circumstances or others' opinions.  In 1 Timothy 1, Paul tells Timothy not to reject the promises made by God concerning his future.  He says others have done so and their faith has been shipwrecked as a result.  We are to remember our vows and God's vows to us and to lean on them.
• Examine our hearts and lives for authenticity. In 2 Corinthians 13, Paul instructs the Corinthian believers that they should examine themselves to be sure they are in the faith. Insinuating that some can walk a path, convincing themselves that they have faith, but when tested it is revealed that their faith was pretending.

Externally we are to:

• Obey Him by faith. If we have faith we not only agree inwardly, we must act outwardly, demonstrating that faith in how we live our lives.  Scriptures are rampant with this (Romans 1:5 & 17, Galatians 2:20, 2 Corinthians 5:7, 1 Timothy 5:8, Acts 6:7, James 2:17-22).
• Speak up and talk about our faith. We should share about our experiences with God and His Word boldly and without showing partiality (James 2:1-5, Philemon 1:6, Jude 1:3).
• Build up the church with our faith.  Use our gifts to build up others, and help those whose faith is waning, as well as correct those who are wandering (Romans 12:6, 14:1, 1 Thessalonians 3:10, Titus 1:13).

It is a beautiful cycle - attending to our faith internally leads to a stronger desire to demonstrate our faith externally, and those experiences of acting on our faith in God fan the flame of our internal faith-walk even more, until 10-25-50 years later we celebrate anniversaries of faith in Christ and marvel at how much more precious He is to us now than he was when we first believed, and tell the world how glad we are that we took that leap of faith!

Tonight we had the blessing of sitting on a panel for a young adult small group at our church discussing the topic of marriage.  There were three couples on the panel - one couple had been married for 52 years, another couple had been married for 22 years and Jason and I were the youngest having been married for 14 years. A combined total of 88 years of experience at this thing called: "til death do us part."  I enjoyed participating and I really enjoyed hearing the responses from the other panelists to the great questions the young adults had come up with for us to answer.  Questions like, "How do you establish good communication?"  "How do you turn your heart back to your spouse when you feel distant?"  "How do you maintain joy in your relationship?"  Good stuff!  One response in particular from the most veteran of the couples really made me think.  When asked about red flags in dating, they responded that things were different when they were younger.  You didn't have all the resources or even think to have certain discussions while you were dating... "You just got married!"  "It's funny," he said.  "We didn't have half of what you have today to guide you, but the divorce rate today is so much greater than it was when we were young."

It is so wonderful to have the perspective of an older generation - things WERE different then.  Things ARE different now.  We will not learn from our elders and their unique perspective unless they show up to the table when these discussions are had, and they won't show up unless we invite them.   

"The greatest asset a church can have is mature saints.  We shouldn't alienate ourselves from these dear people.  They have grown in their knowledge of God and in His likeness and have learned things that only experience can teach.  On the other hand, the greatest liability a church can have are saints who got old and didn't mature.  All they want to do is censor and control.  They are no more loving, kind or patient now than they were 20 years ago." - The Common Made Holy by Neil T. Anderson

This is one of the great challenges of the Christian life:  To remain teachable throughout our lifespan and to be willing to teach as well.  We do not have the luxury of remaining stuck in our own generational rut, declaring our way to be the only way.  We must expose ourselves to those who have grown up or who are growing up in a different culture and context from our own. True unity and true growth depend on our refusal to settle for ignorance when it comes to the ways of those older/younger than us.  

When was the last time you purposely sat across the table from someone from a different generation as yours, either to humbly teach or to humbly be taught?  When was the last time you read a book about the nuances of a different generation in an effort to better understand?  (Such as: The Greatest Generation by Tom Brokaw, or Generation iY by Tim Elmore, or You Lost Me by David Kinnaman)  When did you last go out of your way to seek someone out from a different generation to ask advice on a specific topic or just to hear their story?

Proverbs 3:13-18 (NIV)
Blessed are those who find wisdom,
    those who gain understanding, 
for she is more profitable than silver
    and yields better returns than gold. 
She is more precious than rubies;
    nothing you desire can compare with her. 
Long life is in her right hand;
    in her left hand are riches and honor. 
Her ways are pleasant ways,
    and all her paths are peace. 
She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;
    those who hold her fast will be blessed. 

May we never stop learning and growing.  May we never stop seeing the value in those older or the promise in those younger.  May we learn to spur one another on toward love and good deeds and refuse to let walls of ignorance be built between generations.  

"Picture your marriage as a grassy field. You enter it at the beginning full of hope and joy. You look out into the future, and you see beautiful flowers and trees and rolling hills. And that beauty is what you see in each other. Your relationship is the field and the flowers and the rolling 
hills. But before long, you begin to step in cow pies. Some seasons of your marriage they may seem to be everywhere. Late at night they are especially prevalent. These are the sins and flaws and idiosyncrasies and weaknesses and annoying habits in you and in your spouse. You try to forgive them and endure them with grace.
But they have a way of dominating the relationship. It may not 
even be true, but sometimes it feels like that’s all there is—cow pies. 
Noël and I have come to believe that the combination of forbearance 
and forgiveness leads to the creation of a compost pile. That’s where you shovel the cow pies.

You both look at each other and simply admit that there are a 
lot of cow pies. But you say to each other: You know, there is more 
to this relationship than cow pies. And we are losing sight of that 
because we keep focusing on these cow pies. Let’s throw them all 
in the compost pile. When we have to, we will go there and smell 
it and feel bad and deal with it the best we can. And then we are 
going to walk away from that pile and set our eyes on the rest of the 
field. We will pick some favorite paths and hills that we know are 
not strewn with cow pies. And we will be thankful for the part of 
the field that is sweet.

Our hands may be dirty. And our backs may ache from all the 
shoveling. But one thing we know: We will not pitch our tent by the 
compost pile. We will only go there when we must. This is a gift of grace that we will give each other again and again and again—because we are chosen and holy and loved."

This is an excerpt from John Piper's book, This Momentary Marriage.  It is my favorite book on the subject of Christian marriage and it is a resource that Jason and I rely on HEAVILY when offering premarital counseling sessions.  I pray that you can find your own way to keep the "cow pies" where they belong - in the compost pile, and that you pitch your tent far from that place.  

PS - Congrats to our friends Jared and Emmy on their recent wedding and many blessings to Sabrina and Emily and their grooms as they make final preparations for next week's big events!  We are blessed to have you in our lives.

This picture of us was taken at a wedding reception we went to recently (Hi Nate and Ashley!).  The couple had this great stand set up with floating picture frames, their monogram and the date of the wedding along with a table full of props and a camera on a tripod that had a timer feature.  As the wedding guests got brave enough to venture over and give it a try, the results were pretty fun and produced some great shots (that the newlyweds wouldn't have had otherwise) of their family and friends (which I'm sure were fun to look through after they returned from their honeymoon).  
     I don't know where they got this clever idea, but I've noticed lately that creative wedding ideas ABOUND on the internet.  We know several young couples who are getting married this year, and the wedding planning is in full force.  Here are some of the ideas that I've seen lately online (stay with me, there is a point to all of this):

• Mason Jars can be used as lanterns or as centerpieces.
• You can preserve the petals from your bouquet and put them in a clear glass/plastic Christmas ornament as a memento.
• If you are having a beach wedding you can give away inexpensive flip flops to your guests as a useful party favor.
• Sparklers or bubbles create some great get-away photos.
• Stringing clothesline or twine between trees or posts and using clothespins to hang Polaroids or other photos of the happy couple and wedding guests is a great conversation piece.
• Having things for guests to do at the reception while they are waiting on the happy couple to arrive is good - mad libs or board games are popular options.

So many great, creative party planning ideas abound!  The ideas are easy to find and as you plan, there are usually no shortage of people who will be willing to listen to all of your ideas, get excited with you about the possibilities and offer their suggestions to make the day just perfect.  In the midst of all of this excitement, there are also some GREAT ideas for preparing for your pending marriage.  At the end of the day, every bride and groom has to know that the wedding is only a few hours out of their lives, but their marriage is intended to last for the REST OF THEIR LIVES.  Imagine a couple putting the same kind of investment into planning for marriage as most brides put into planning their wedding!  Sounds like a good idea to me.  Here are some ideas for planning and preparing for a life together that honors God:

1. Put time and consideration into who will provide your pre-marital counseling.  I know many couples just go with the minister who is marrying them, or someone in the clergy who they feel close to.  As a minister's wife, I can tell you that pre-marital counseling is a skill and some are better at it than others.  The hours you spend with your fiance' in premarital counseling can either become the bedrock of your marriage or something you check off your to-do list that you barely remember a year later.  Ask around, find someone who LOVES to provide this service and who has a proven track record of providing great biblical counseling.  
2. Read and discuss quality books about communication, role definition, money management and sexual intimacy.  Read them separately and discuss them together or with an older couple that you respect.  Some suggestions are: Love and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs; Love for a Lifetime: Building a Marriage that Will Go the Distance, by Dr. James Dobson; This Momentary Marriage, by John Piper; His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard Harley Jr.;   The Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples, by Larry Burkett; Financial Peace, by Dave Ramsey; Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott; and Things I Wish I'd Known Before We'd Gotten Married, by Gary Chapman.
3. Remain sexually pure.  Do not give into the reasoning that says, "We are getting married anyway, what's the harm?"  The harm is that you are communicating volumes to each other in these days of your engagement about what you are willing to sacrifice on behalf of the other.  Marriage is about sacrifice, about putting God's will ahead of your own and putting your spouse's needs ahead of your own.  Practice this in your engagement by 1.) putting God's will for purity ahead of your own desires and 2.) putting your spouse's need to know that your relationship goes deeper than physical attraction ahead of your own temporary pleasure (or his/hers).
4. Pray together regularly. It may not be every day depending on your location or schedules, but it should be consistently.  You are about to join your lives together, "until death do you part."  You will want to consult regularly with the God of all creation who has a plan for your lives and growth.
5. Invest time in your personal spiritual growth.  At the end of the day, "happily ever after" only exists in heaven.  Your happiness is not dependent on whether or not you get married, or whether or not your spouse is meeting all of your needs in exactly the way you want.  True lasting joy is found in Christ alone.  Ask God to strengthen your love relationship with HIM, to help you read His word with anticipation and insight and to grow-up in Him more and more over the course of your engagement so that you will not go into marriage putting unhealthy expectations for your own happiness and satisfaction on your spouse, straining your marriage from the start.  
6. Dream together.  Spend time imagining your life together.  Not just what kind of dog you'll get or what your house will look like, but things like: How will we serve together in church?  What passions can we share in ministering to others? How will we plan to be generous?  Will we be open to going on missions trips together or with our children?  Would we consider adopting or serving as foster parents?  Ephesians 2:10 tells us that God prepared good works for us to do in advance.  See if you can discover together what some of those might be and get excited about them!
7. Begin exploring your God-given roles in marriage.  The Bible is clear that the husband is to be the spiritual leader in marriage and the wife is to respect and submit to her husband's leadership.  The Bible is also clear that men and women are equal before God.  Guys, start learning about spiritual leadership from other Christian men that you respect and start taking steps toward showing your fiance that you have what it takes to take on that mantle of leadership.  When you discuss a book you've both been reading, you share your insights first!  When you pray, pray first! Girls, refrain from nagging your fiance.  Pray for him instead.  Encourage him when he takes initiative.  Start taking the initial steps toward embracing these roles and gracefully accept that neither of you will be perfect at it.
8. Refrain from spending every waking hour together.  You are still your own person.  There is still a world around you that needs your unique personality and giftedness. As hard as it can be when you are in love and want to be together all the time, deliberately spend time apart, living your lives as individual people.  Strengthen individual friendships, strengthen family relationships, and pursue your own passions and interests.  These are the things that make you unique and give you things to talk about with each other at the end of the day. 
9. Minister together.  Teach a children's Sunday School class, visit a nursing home and volunteer, practice hospitality together, lead worship together at church or for a youth group, go on a mission trip together, offer to babysit together for your pastor and his wife or other friends, serve at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen... the possibilities are limitless.  The focus of your marriage relationship should not be solely inward.  Begin putting into practice your desire to have a marriage that will bless and point others to Christ.
10. Plan beyond your honeymoon.  Many couples spend so much time planning their wedding and honeymoon, they give little to no thought about what comes next.  Start talking about how you will set up house together, who you will invite over first to share a meal, how you will decide which side of your family you will share Thanksgiving and Christmas with this year and next (if either), how you will decide who will do which chores, how you will handle it when you have your first fight as a Mr. and Mrs., what devotional book will you use as a couple (or will you do something else to stay spiritually in tune), what things will you do to make sure that you are implementing all you learned in premarital counseling, etc.  Luke 14:28-30 says, "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower.  Won't you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and do not have enough money to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying 'This person began to build and wasn't able to finish.'"  If you don't believe that this passage rings true when it comes to preparing for marriage, ask Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries who were ridiculed by a nation for calling it quits 72 days after their elaborate, highly publicized wedding.  You aren't building a tower, you are building a life.  Plan for a successful marriage.  Plan beyond your honeymoon!

I hope these practical suggestions are helpful!  I can't wait to go to all of the beautiful weddings this summer and see all of our friends' fabulous ideas for the ceremonies and receptions, but even more than that, I can't wait to see how they develop strong, God honoring marriages by the energy and effort they pour in ahead of time and throughout their lives together.