The longer I live, the more I am in awe of the mystery of the human soul.  This eternal part of each of us that somehow instinctively knows that the ways of this world are completely out of whack and that we were made for more.  This part of us that seeks the hard road rather than the easy road because it knows that something worth fighting for is its own reward and so much more valuable than any simple pleasure easily attained. This inner life that, when we will be still and quiet and humble, can commune with our Creator God and be restored no matter how wayward it has become.  The Bible tells us that it is the Spirit of God himself that woos each and every soul to Himself.  It also says that we can grieve that Spirit and quench its power in our lives if we ignore it long enough.  I know of no greater tragedy.

I am currently reading a book called In God's Underground, written by Richard Wurmbrand, a Lutheran minister during the dark days of communist rule in Romania.  He was put in prison for his faith more than once during that time.  The first stint was for 9 years.  He went into prison and his one and only son was a 9-year old boy.  He came out of prison to be introduced to his son, the 18 year old man, without being allowed a single visit from him during those years.  Such a loss of years and time, and yet God had preserved both of their souls exquisitely.  On the night of his unexpected return from prison (they simply opened the gates and let him go one day) his son, Mihai, said to him, "Father, you've gone through so much. I want to know what you've learned from all your sufferings."  Wurmbrand put his arm around his grown son and said, "Mihai, I've nearly forgotten my Bible in all this time. But four things were always in my mind. First, that there is a God. Secondly, Christ is our Savior. Thirdly, there is eternal life. And fourthly, love is the best of ways."  My son said, "That was all I wanted." Later he told his father that he had decided to become a pastor.  Two souls who had gone through so much heartache and pain, poverty and suffering - but perfectly sustained and more beautiful than they were at the beginning.

Once Wurmbrand had settled back in with his family at his very meager home in the attic of a building owned by another (their house had been taken by the government when he went to prison), he said, "Now that I was free, I longed in the depths of my heart for quietness and rest. But communism was working everywhere to complete the destruction of the Church. The peace I desired would have been an escape from reality and dangerous for my soul."  It is only God who can put such depth into the human soul.  Such selflessness is actually soulfulness!  Denying the self for the benefit of the eternal soul.  This is not harmful or sadistic, this is exchanging the temporal for the eternal and it is wise beyond earth's wisdom.  When everything in us and everyone around us is telling us that retirement from the cause is in order - you've done enough - surely someone else can take up the torch now. To have a soul that knows that its very existence is owed to a Savior who did not stop until the fight was won.  To have a soul that knows that it will be sustained by God through far worse than the mind or heart believe it to be able to bear.  To have a soul that seeks to grow and expand and draw closer to the God who created it and wooed it from the beginning.  To have a soul that trusts in the reality of the perfect plan and the power of God more than in the temporal realities it can see and feel.

This is the goal.  What interesting, mysterious, paradoxical ways God can and does bring it about in each of us.
May I never curse my circumstances without first examining their soil for soul-growth properties.  It could be that what the world calls prison, my soul recognizes as true freedom.

Isaiah 46:4 NIV, "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

Today I read this story about a young man in Belize whose life was radically changed by people loving him and encouraging him when his own parents abandoned him at the age of 12.  I was moved by the way I saw God's hand in his life as he described the twists and turns that led him to the place of gratitude and hope where he is now. I can imagine that it took courage for him to write his story down and that there were probably times where he doubted whether he should or not.  Sometimes something means an awful lot to us, but we have doubts about whether or not it would mean much to others.  It is disconcerting to share our stories when others may discount their value or weight.  Earlier this week I read two different accounts written by fathers who lost a child.  One to a stillbirth and the other to a tragic car accident at age five.  Both commented that they were hesitant to share their stories.  They were concerned about somehow cheapening the weight of their experiences with their own clumsy words and even worse, laying them out there for others to criticize or judge - not just their writing, but their very motives for writing in the first place. 

I am thankful that each of these people chose to tell their story.  SO thankful.  I am drawn to stories.  True stories.  Biographies, autobiographies, historical sketches, blogs, I want to read them all.  To me, this is the stuff of life.

In Shauna Niequist's book, "Bittersweet," she writes this, "There are myths that we tend to believe about our stories: the first is that they're about us; they don't matter. But they're not only about us, and they matter more than ever right now. When we, any of us who have been transformed by Christ, tell our own stories, we're telling the story of who God is... My life is not a story about me. And your life is not a story about you. My life is a story about who God is and what he does in a human heart."

Let's be brave and tell His story about our lives - about what He has brought us through and what He is walking with us in today and where He seems to be leading us. And let's not be quick to judge when others share their stories.  There are things to learn about God and what He is doing in the world bound up inside each and every person we meet - my bus driver, the woman I pass in the city each day holding a cardboard sign, your son's swim team coach, the mail carrier, my neighbor, the telemarketer.  Perhaps if we saw each other that way, if we saw ourselves that way, we'd approach each other with a bit more grace and dignity, and we'd dive deeper into the the greatest story ever told.

No man is an island, but man is it ever tempting to try it out sometimes!  There is nothing quite like having to suffer through the consequences of someone else's decision to make you want to bar the doors and windows and give the hermit-life a try.  As long as we live on this planet, we will be effected by the decisions of others.  Sometimes for good, other times not so much.  The same decision-making capability and freedom that God granted you, he also gave to your family members, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, co-worker, boss, pastor, political leader, and even strangers on the street.  

No matter how hard we try, we cannot control those around us or insulate ourselves from their choices.  So what can be done when we find ourselves tossed in the wake of someone else's decisions?

1. Take a deep breath.  Maybe more than one.
2. Remember that you are responsible for your own actions and reactions, regardless of how you feel or who made you feel that way. One bad decision by someone else doesn't necessitate another from you.
3. Plead with God for a higher perspective and a compassionate heart. It may come right away, but it might not.  Expect it. Wait for it. 
4. Acknowledge the reality of the situation and the greater reality of God's sovereignty and His promise to work everything together for your good (Romans 8:28). Acknowledge it in prayer, in journaling, in a conversation with someone you trust. Keep acknowledging it until you find yourself dwelling more on what He can do than on what was done "to you."
5. Take one step in the right direction.  A step of forgiveness, a step of faith, a step away, a step forward, whatever is the next right thing - do that.  Don't wait too long.

Repeat as needed.

Bonus - #6. Thank God for your own freedom to make decisions and even to make mistakes and learn from them.  Ask Him to help you vividly remember this moment when you next make a decision that will impact those around you.

Do you ever feel tempted to play God?  To take over?  To make something happen the way you feel strongly it should happen?  To get involved in the “how” of something that you feel confident in the “what” or “why” of?  You have!?  Want to be best friends?  I am tempted to do this on a regular basis.

I once took a strengths assessment and discovered that one of my greatest strengths is my sense of responsibility.  That sounds good, right?  Don’t you want to have people in your life who have a strong sense of responsibility?  Who won’t bail on you in the middle of something? Who will take ownership over a task? Who will not drop the ball?  Who think ahead and count the cost before committing? That sense of responsibility has served me very well these past 39 years – it helped me get good grades in school, complete my college degree, be a faithful spouse, a devoted mom, a dedicated employee.  It has helped me stay on top of finances and keep the housework from getting completely out of control.  Not a bad strength to have!

So what is lurking on the flipside of the coin of responsibility?  For me, it is a tendency to want to control things that are either beyond my ability to control or exceeding my right to control.  As a responsible mother, I want to raise my son with attention to detail – I don’t want any character issue, health need, spiritual discipline, or mental aptitude to go unnoticed or unattended.  Why? Yes , because I love him, but also because I feel responsible.  The danger comes when I take my responsibility to far.  I stop focusing only on my responsibility to do the right thing in a given situation and, in addition, take on the responsibility for the outcome of the situation as well. 

To be responsible for myself: my actions, attitudes, and words; is a wonderful thing.  To take on the responsibility for anything beyond that is where I start to get into trouble.  

In a scientific research environment, experiments are conducted to arrive at conclusions that can lead to helpful solutions to difficult problems.  Lots and lots of experiments are conducted before the solution is reached.  In order to get the specific desired outcome that they are looking for, scientists isolate all the different variables that could have an effect on the outcome of the experiment.   They do this in a sterile environment where they control every possible variable.  That way when they complete an experiment, they know exactly how and why the result was achieved and they can replicate it. 

My overreaching sense of responsibility would LOVE for life to take place in a controlled, sterile environment.  I don’t know about you, but in the complex world I live in, I can do all the right things and still end up with a result that is riddled with the effects of all the variables I couldn’t control along the way… variables like other people’s actions, attitudes, and words, my own limited understanding and perception, and the effects of an unseen spiritual war that is going on all round me at all times. 

Repeat after me: “I am only in control of myself!  I cannot control any other person on this planet without eventually hurting them.  I cannot control every variable.  I cannot control other people’s priorities or their desires.  I cannot control the outcome of any situation, only my role in it.”

Responsibility is a wonderful attribute, but taking responsibility for things that are clearly God’s responsibility is, at best, setting me up for frustration and, at worst, paving a road that leads to deception and destruction.  I think I need to create a pin board somewhere in my mind for my “Junior God” badge.  Any time I find myself overstepping my bounds, I’ll remind myself to head to that pin board and hang that badge back up where it belongs.  There is no such thing as a Junior God, but there is such a thing as a “dearly love child of God,” and that is the badge I want to wear instead.

How about you?

When our son was a toddler, we learned a nifty parenting trick.  After suffering through meltdown after meltdown whenever it was time to transition from one activity to the next, we discovered that if we gave our son a 5 or 10 minute warning before the transition was about to happen, the meltdowns were a thing of the past.  "Tim, it will be time to help clean up toys and say goodbye in ten minutes."  "Tim, dinner will be in five minutes, so get ready to stop your video." As long as he knew what was coming and when, he could cope.  When he had time to wrap things up or finish on his own terms, he was golden.  If the meltdown wasn't completely averted, it was at least lessened in severity.

Don't you wish we had the luxury of those kinds of warnings in life as adults.  "Carla, in six months you will not be living here any more and you'll have to start over."  "Carla, within the year, that person that you are so attached to will pass away."  "Carla, in the next week someone in your family will become ill."  Just a little warning, wouldn't that be nice?  Just a little heads up so we can wrap our minds around what is coming and finish or adjust on our own terms. 

The thing is, these little advance warnings weren't the most valuable things we could offer our son.  Yes, they made life a little more bearable in the moment, especially as he was making his way through those toddler years, but it was never meant to be a way of life.  After all, we wouldn't always have a warning ourselves.  Sometimes we would need to make a transition with little to no warning and we would need him to trust us and spring into action before his emotions could catch up.  What we really wanted him to learn were things like - Your Mom and Dad love you and we are in charge.  We know what is best and we are working with an agenda that includes more than your immediate happiness, things you just aren't prepared to understand yet.  The more you trust us, the more you will see that we have your best interest at heart.  We may ask you to do some things that you do not want to do, but it is never out of cruelty.  At the end of the day, what we really wanted him to learn to do was to rest in our trustworthiness, and to respond based on our relationship not on an attachment to an established, predictable routine.

The same is true with our walk through life.  The routine will inevitably vary, so putting our trust in things always being the way they have been in the past is foolish.  Many times God will orchestrate situations in such a way as to soften the blows of painful change.  Other times, however, we will be called upon to simply respond in faith-filled obedience, when there is no resemblance of the normal routine anywhere in sight, no promise of how things will be resolved or how long the transition to a new normal will take.

In the end, through the pages of scripture, I have been given three things that are of greater value than a glimpse into the immediate future:

1. I have been given a glimpse into eternity. "And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:3
   
2. I have been given a guarantee never to walk alone.  "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
   
3. I have been given a promise of God's unending love. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

At the end of the day, this is what has been offered to me and it is what I have to offer the world.  It isn't a safe, predictable routine, it is a relationship with the One who created all of us and has a vested interest in our future.  It isn't an advance warning system of difficult changes that lie ahead and it isn't a promise that life will be easy or pain-free.  It is the message of the gospel and it is enough.

“What’s the worst that could happen?”  Have you ever been faced with something that was causing you anxiety and when you reached out to a friend or family member to help you process it, she responded with that question?  It’s a good exercise, don’t you think?  Facing that thing you are inwardly fearing the most? Well, it is the start of a good exercise, anyway. 

Up until that point, you probably haven’t actually said OUT LOUD what the worst case scenario actually is… it has just been haunting the depths of your mind without ever taking a clear shape.  So you come right out and say it.  The worst case scenario is… Fill in the blank.  I lose my job.  We lose our house.  Someone I love dies.  Someone I love leaves me.  The doctor will say it is cancer.  I will screw up royally and hurt other people.  The truth will come out and I will lose the respect of those who I cherish.  Whatever the “worst that could happen” in any given situation happens to be, is now out there on the table.  You’ve said it.  Whew!  That’s a relief, right? 

Not necessarily.  Your friend probably asked that question because she doesn’t think it is likely that the worst case scenario will actually occur.  She wants you to say it out loud so she can remind you that it probably won’t happen like that.  If the conversation stops with simply answering that question, however, our fear and anxiety may actually increase rather than diminish.  Because, even though your friend is playing the odds and counting on positivity to rule the day, you know that even if it isn’t likely… it is possible… and now you’ve said it out loud and have no answers. 

A better response to gain peace and arrive at the place where you are getting the upper hand on your fear is to START by asking that question, but not to STOP there.  Once you’ve identified your worst case scenario and said it out loud, don’t play the odds.  Don’t talk about how likely or unlikely that result is… it doesn’t matter – you don’t know the future so wasting time trying to predict it is futile.  Instead, ask the next important question: Then what?

Beth Moore demonstrates this beautifully (and somehow humorously) in one of the lessons she teaches in her study on the biblical book of Esther.  In Esther’s story, we see her come to the point where she realizes that the worst case scenario in her situation is that she will die.  The king will have her killed for daring to appear before him uninvited.  She faces this worst case scenario and in the end asks for the prayers and support of her people and then says, “If I perish, I perish.”  As Beth reflects on this idea of facing your fear, she talks about how she occasionally would develop a horrible fear that her husband was going to be attracted to another woman.  It would build up inside her and every time he was distant or came home later than expected, or just didn’t seem like himself, the fear would rise immediately to the surface and her thoughts would be plagued with the worst case scenario.  So she finally asked herself. “What IS the worst case scenario?”  In her mind, the worst possibility was that he wasn’t just attracted to another woman, but that he loved her, and that she was darling and beautiful, and that her own children liked this other woman!  Okay.  “Then what?”  Well, I would be devastated!!! I would throw a fit, a big fit!  I would writhe on the floor in pain and my heart would break! Okay. “Then what?” I would be consumed with thoughts of them together and I would have to lay down on the floor with my Bible on my head (you’d have to know Beth Moore to imagine her saying all this.  She is a kick) and listen to worship music in the car really loud and cry out to God just to make it through each day.  Okay. “Then what?” Well, I’d be mad as a hornet for quite a while and I might take it out on other people until I got a hold of it.  Okay. “Then what?” Well, eventually, I’d get back up.  Go back to ministry and take it one day at a time.

Well, what do you know about that?!  If you ask enough “Then what’s?” you eventually get to a place where a new normal emerges in your realm of possibility… one that is hard, but doable.  One that helps you to take in the worst case scenario and not just play the odds, but face the fear and see the hope on the other side. 

A word of caution: Faith is the basis of all of this.  Faith in God and His goodness and in His faithfulness to fulfill His promises.  If you don’t have that as a starting place, then asking yourself “Then what?” is a dangerous proposition, indeed.  In Esther’s case, the end result was the possibility of her death… that thought isn’t going to fill you with hope unless you have a faith in what comes after death.  So depending on where your relationship is with God today, you may want to start with a different question… before jumping to “What’s the worst that could happen?” why not try, “Is there a God who loves me?”

There is.  He does.  

Jeremiah 29:13 NIV "You will seek Me and find Me when you seek me with all your heart."

On a recent trip to the National Zoo, we had a great time watching this meerkat.  The other meerkats in the habitat were rolling in the dirt, playing, and digging, but this one climbed up on the highest rock in the enclosure and stood very still and just looked, systematically, in every possible direction.  The educational plaque hanging on the wall nearby explained that this behavior is common for meerkats.  Since they are such tiny creatures and generally walk on all-fours, meerkats will frequently pull themselves up on their hind legs to get a better, higher view of their surroundings and search for predators.  

This week on my commute to work, I've been reading in Genesis about the life of Joseph.  You remember Joseph - the coat of many colors, being sold into slavery by his brothers, being bought by the Captain of the Guard in Egypt, ending up in prison (unjustly), interpreting dreams beyond his own capability, being restored and elevated to the position of second in command to the pharaoh, saving his family from the effects of a severe famine, being reunited with his father who thought he was dead.  AMAZING LIFE STORY to be sure.  The thing that struck me this week as I read through the account of the life of Joseph again was that He was always experiencing God's favor, regardless of his circumstances:
1. His brothers threw him in a pit, but didn't kill him.  
2. He was sold into slavery, but everything he did prospered and he was not treated like a slave in the home of Potiphar.
3. He was put into prison unjustly, but again everything he did there prospered and he was given responsibility and meaningful work even in prison.
4. He was offered a high position in the government of the pharaoh which he did not seek out.
5. Everything he did in Egypt prospered and his work there resulted in saving a nation from a devastating famine and in restoring his family to him.

As I read and reflected on Joseph's life, I was reminded that we cannot gauge whether or not we are living out God's will for our lives based on our circumstances.  After all, Joseph was rejected by his brothers. a slave, and a prisoner, all while being right where God wanted him to be. A better gauge of living out God's will, it seems, is His favor.   God's favor plays out in the smallest of ways and on the grandest of scales, but is of equal value regardless of the way it is displayed.  Sometimes we have to be like that meerkat, and rise above our own limited perspective and try to catch a glimpse of what is really going on in the midst of our suffering.  If we don't, we are destined to be enslaved to our current circumstances and our limited interpretations of them.  


This is more than looking for a "silver-lining."  This is about remaining faith-filled in our attitudes and faithful in our actions regardless of our situation.  Refusing to despair when we know we are on the path God wants for us.  Submitting to the route that He has deemed best and looking for evidences of His favor along the way to keep us going.  When we are in the pit (rejected by those who are supposed to love us and protect us), in slavery (stuck in a difficult situation without any control over it), or imprisoned unjustly (falsely accused and punished without cause) - may we rise up to our full height (in his mercy and grace) and look for evidences of favor smack dab in the middle of the pain and difficulty.  If they are there, then we have cause to rejoice in the midst of the mess and hold on for the deliverance that will surely come.  If they are absent, we have cause to repent and wait for the restoration that God has promised never to withhold from His children.

Psalm 121:1-2  (NIV)
"I lift up my eyes to the mountains-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth."

Psalm 30:5 (NIV)
"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

What in the world goes on inside our brains any way?  Could there possibly be anything more complex on the Earth than the human brain? It controls our breathing and bodily systems without us even being aware or focusing on those things.  The brain is where we process numbers, letters, language, emotions, theories, philosophies, and ideas.  It is where we ponder purpose, meaning, and God.  We talk about the "heart" and "matters of the soul and spirit" but all of these are processed in the brain - as far as I know there is nothing in my chest or abdominal cavity that is contemplating love, friendship, hatred, sin, or sacrifice... nope, just oxygen, blood, and the Nutter Butter I just snacked on.

I was recently doing some research on the work of the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex of the brain, specifically looking at scientists' observations of the threat/reward impulse and what some call the "Amygdala Hijack."  Fascinating dinner conversation, I can assure you.  As scientists observe the brain's activity during different scenarios, they have noticed several consistent patterns:

• Your prefrontal cortex is where logic and reasoning happen.
• The prefrontal cortex is a small portion of your brain.
• Relatively speaking, if the prefrontal cortex was capable of holding 1 square foot of information, the rest of your brain - where subconscious thought and processes occur, apart from our awareness - would hold a Milky Way Galaxy amount of information.
• When you take in stimuli (sights, sounds, sensations, tastes, odors), its first stop in the brain is the thalamus.  If the thalamus perceives the stimuli as intense it bypasses the rational prefrontal cortex and sends that stimuli straight to your limbic system (where you amygdala resides).
• The amygdala regulates what scientists call the freeze, fight or flight impulses to threatening or exciting new stimuli.  Basically, it is survival mode, and it floods the brain with electro-chemicals that take effect immediately.  Heightening our senses with a readiness for action to preserve ourselves.

Here's the deal, the amygdala gets hijacked, and rightfully so, when someone cuts us off in traffic and we are afraid we are going to crash, when we slip near the edge of a cliff and nearly fall, etc.  Basically when our lives are at risk.  Here's the deeper deal, the limbic system is also subconsciously creating physical reactions in us for social survival too.  It reacts strongly when things like: our status, our ability to predict the future, our sense of being in control, our ability to feel relationally close to others, or our sense of fairness are threatened.  Before we can ever have a rational thought about these things, our brain has established pathways for classifying something as good or bad in relation to these areas.

This is fascinating to me.  Science is great!  Observing the world around us and even our own bodies and functioning is worthwhile, however, observation of what has been created alone, cannot bring full understanding - in fact it can lead us astray unless we seek the wisdom of the creator to temper it with.

1. Science observes: Status is important to people's happiness.  If the brain perceives that social status is being threatened, it reacts strongly.  If the brain perceives an increase in social status, being elevated above others, this is desirable.  Brain scientist's answer: Elevate yourself.  Seek ways to minimize the threats to your status and maximize the opportunities to get ahead of others.  
The Bible says: Status belongs to God alone.  We are to reject impulses to elevate ourselves and rather humble ourselves and allow God to exalt us in due time as He sees fit. (James 4:10, Psalm 145:3, Philippians 2:3)

2. Science says: Knowing the future and living in certainty brings feelings of comfort and security (increases in dopamine).  Brain scientist's answer: Proactively organize your life to reduce uncertainty, plan, plan, plan.
The Bible says: The future belongs to God alone.  He alone knows what it holds and He alone is the source of lasting comfort and security.  We are to trust him and release our claims to knowing the future. (James 4:13-17, 2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

3. Science observes: Having choices and a sense of control is vital to mental health.  
The Bible says: Releasing control and choosing God's will is vital to spiritual health. The most important choice is choosing God and that choice leads to relinquishing control, not grasping on to it.  (Joshua 24:15, Romans 12:2, 1 Peter 4:1-2, 1 John 2:17)


4. Science observes: Being in relationship with other people and having safety in those relationships frees you to think freely.
The Bible says: Offer your friendship to those who may have nothing to give you in return.  Relationships are important and safety in relationships is good, but they aren't all about what's in it for us. (Ephesians 5:21, Romans 12:13-16)

5. Science observes: Do what you can to pursue fairness in your world to reduce your feelings of threat.
The Bible says: Life isn't fair because sin is a part of our world.  We need not feel threatened by a lack of fairness because we serve a just God who will right wrongs perfectly in time.  We pursue justice, not to make our own path easier or straighter, but to aid those who cannot help themselves.  We do not demand fairness for ourselves because we know that if we were treated fairly, ultimately we deserve death.  (Deuteronomy 32:4, Romans 12:17-21)

At the end of the day, we are not bound to the inevitable chemical reactions of our brains.  2 Corinthians 2:15-16 NIV says, "The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgement. 'For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?' But we have the mind of Christ."  One of the ways scientists have observed to avoid the long lasting effects of a hijacked amygdala is to reframe your reality and experience.  As Christians - God has given us a frame for our worldview with which to talk ourselves off the ledges of life.  It is given in His Word.  Let's fill our minds with the truth of scripture and in doing so re-train our brains to perceive what true threats and rewards really are.  Then we will be ready to take risks, look outside ourselves for fulfillment, sacrifice freely, and basically have a life that counts for something, not just a life that is comfortable.

That's all I have to say about that.

It's Sunday.  What does that mean to you?  Another day to sleep in and relax before the next work week begins? A day to get up and put on the mask of the "good girl/boy" and go to church to fulfill your weekly duty? The busiest day of the week with family and church obligations out the wazoo?  A blessed day of rest and reflection on the God who created the universe in 6 days? 

For the last several weeks, Sunday has become (at least temporarily) for me, a day to cry.  To weep.  To sometimes sob.  I didn't choose for that to be the case.  I do not wake up each Sunday morning and say to myself, "Well, get ready for a good cry.  Today's the day!"  In fact, most Sunday mornings I wake up refreshed and excited about spending the day at church and with my family.  Nevertheless, I have found myself in tears each Sunday for the past 5 weeks or so.  Part of it is the weekly reminder, as we step into the church we are attending, that things are not as we planned them to be.  Each time I enter, as I sit in the pew, as I listen to the orchestra and the choir, as I hear the announcements and reflect on the message from the Pastor, I am faced with the reality that it was never in my plan to sit in that congregation as anything other than the Associate Pastor's wife, but that didn't happen.  I haven't quite figured out how to sit there without that memory invading yet.  Another layer of my tears has come from the keen awareness in that environment of the goodness of my God.  Yes, there is pain reflecting on how things were "supposed to be," but there is also tremendous peace and joy coming from the God who has revealed Himself to me during this season in ways so tender and precious and awe-inspiring that I can't help but cry each week as I sing about His goodness and acknowledge His perfection.

As I have processed my unexpected and yet consistent Sunday tears, I can't help but think that it is all okay.  That I am not pathetic, rather I am broken and blessed.  That, in reality, this is how it should be.  Each and every week, we should all have moments to be reminded that "This is not how it should be."  This world is not our home.  We are strangers and aliens in this place.  Yet, we should also have moments of pure awe at the goodness and GREATNESS of our God.  It is these moments that keep us grounded in the spiritual reality in which we live.  It is these moments from which worship arises.  It is these moments wherein we declare our dependence on God and the insufficiency in ourselves.

I'm so glad it's Sunday.

"You and I are in little (our sins excepted) what God is in large." - A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God.

I am pondering this quote today.  Genesis 1:27 tells us that we were made in God's image.  With the exception of our sin nature, the stuff that makes us up is a minute version of the stuff that makes up God.  That is worth a few moments of reflection, and could even change the way we view ourselves and others forever if pondered with the proper weight! 

If you are single, you have probably been asked what you look for in a potential date/spouse.  If you are married, chances are you've had a single friend ask you what they should look for in a mate.  How do you answer?  Our laundry list of desirable traits might read like this:
 - a sense of humor
 - honest
 - trustworthy
 - good with children
 - spiritually mature
 - intelligent/wise
 - attractive (to you)
 - a good communicator
 - responsible
 - sensitive
 - capable
 The list could go on and on.  Look back over the list for a moment.  Is there any trait that does not apply to God? God embodies the most complete, perfect, holy version of every trait that is attractive to us in another human being. The qualities in others that draw us to them, are the very qualities of God; the qualities that God himself possesses in FULL MEASURE.  

The challenge that comes with this knowledge is three fold:
1 - To view God accurately - not to withhold from him in our minds the very characteristics that we admire in others, not to downplay His perfection or His ability, not to make Him something that He is not in our thoughts - something that is on the same level as what we have observed here on earth.  He is entirely other, beyond what we can fathom in His perfection.
2 - To view ourselves accurately - not to beat ourselves up for having emotions (our God experiences emotions), not to accept a lower standard when a higher one has been set by our Creator, not to see ourselves as greater than we are - no matter how much we excel in a given trait, God is greater still to the nth degree.
3 - To view others accurately - to admire their positive qualities without elevating them to the place of demi-god in our minds, to expect and hope for the best in others because we know they are made of "god-stuff," just as we are (even if they aren't demonstrating it for a season), to refrain from judging them for the qualities that are lesser developed in them than in ourselves - to quote a former Sunday School teacher of mine: "Comparing my vertical leap with my neighbor's is pretty foolish if the moon is the goal."  No one can can jump to the moon and the few inches that I may have over my neighbor in my vertical leap is a pretty ridiculous comparison when I consider the actual goal. (Thanks for the illustration, Doug Bridges, I've never forgotten it.)


The lyrics to this song say perfectly some of what I have just stumbled through trying to explain, I hope it blesses you and increases your scope of who our God is and how great He is: