The longer I live, the more I am in awe of the mystery of the human soul.  This eternal part of each of us that somehow instinctively knows that the ways of this world are completely out of whack and that we were made for more.  This part of us that seeks the hard road rather than the easy road because it knows that something worth fighting for is its own reward and so much more valuable than any simple pleasure easily attained. This inner life that, when we will be still and quiet and humble, can commune with our Creator God and be restored no matter how wayward it has become.  The Bible tells us that it is the Spirit of God himself that woos each and every soul to Himself.  It also says that we can grieve that Spirit and quench its power in our lives if we ignore it long enough.  I know of no greater tragedy.

I am currently reading a book called In God's Underground, written by Richard Wurmbrand, a Lutheran minister during the dark days of communist rule in Romania.  He was put in prison for his faith more than once during that time.  The first stint was for 9 years.  He went into prison and his one and only son was a 9-year old boy.  He came out of prison to be introduced to his son, the 18 year old man, without being allowed a single visit from him during those years.  Such a loss of years and time, and yet God had preserved both of their souls exquisitely.  On the night of his unexpected return from prison (they simply opened the gates and let him go one day) his son, Mihai, said to him, "Father, you've gone through so much. I want to know what you've learned from all your sufferings."  Wurmbrand put his arm around his grown son and said, "Mihai, I've nearly forgotten my Bible in all this time. But four things were always in my mind. First, that there is a God. Secondly, Christ is our Savior. Thirdly, there is eternal life. And fourthly, love is the best of ways."  My son said, "That was all I wanted." Later he told his father that he had decided to become a pastor.  Two souls who had gone through so much heartache and pain, poverty and suffering - but perfectly sustained and more beautiful than they were at the beginning.

Once Wurmbrand had settled back in with his family at his very meager home in the attic of a building owned by another (their house had been taken by the government when he went to prison), he said, "Now that I was free, I longed in the depths of my heart for quietness and rest. But communism was working everywhere to complete the destruction of the Church. The peace I desired would have been an escape from reality and dangerous for my soul."  It is only God who can put such depth into the human soul.  Such selflessness is actually soulfulness!  Denying the self for the benefit of the eternal soul.  This is not harmful or sadistic, this is exchanging the temporal for the eternal and it is wise beyond earth's wisdom.  When everything in us and everyone around us is telling us that retirement from the cause is in order - you've done enough - surely someone else can take up the torch now. To have a soul that knows that its very existence is owed to a Savior who did not stop until the fight was won.  To have a soul that knows that it will be sustained by God through far worse than the mind or heart believe it to be able to bear.  To have a soul that seeks to grow and expand and draw closer to the God who created it and wooed it from the beginning.  To have a soul that trusts in the reality of the perfect plan and the power of God more than in the temporal realities it can see and feel.

This is the goal.  What interesting, mysterious, paradoxical ways God can and does bring it about in each of us.
May I never curse my circumstances without first examining their soil for soul-growth properties.  It could be that what the world calls prison, my soul recognizes as true freedom.

Isaiah 46:4 NIV, "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

I am in the middle of reading "In My Home There Is No More Sorrow: 10 Days in Rwanda" by Rick Bass.  Last night I read this passage from the book and it floored me.  I knew I would need to come back to it and to reflect on its depth.  I glanced at the page number to commit it to memory... 39.  The number of years I've been alive.  Am I as alive as I could be? Should be?

"There is a spirit moving through Rwanda that is profound and surprising.  It is a spirit of what most people would call love.  I'm not saying that's the whole of it. What I suspect is that there is probably not a word for it - the feeling, the spirit, the phenomenon - and none of us on the outside of it, thank God, will ever quite know what it is; not seventeen years later, and not ever.  I wouldn't, on reflection, trade my numbness for what they have.  Even an arm's length distance might be a little too close. It's kind of terrifying to witness such capacity for strength, for spiritual growth; who among us would not prefer, really, to remain flabby, vague, untested?"

The author, Rick Bass, visited Rwanda for 10 days three years ago and this book is the essay he wrote about his brief but profound experience in a country that has suffered through genocide after genocide after genocide.  The most recent slaughter ended after one million Tutsis were killed by their Hutu countrymen within 100 days' time in 1994.  Bass goes to memorial after memorial on his ten day trek taking in the blood-stained walls of churches, piles of bones and stench of decay. He comes in direct contact with both survivors of the massacre and the perpetrators of it.  The Hutus and the Tutsis now miraculously live as neighbors and countrymen once again; unfathomable forgiveness has come and life goes on, powerfully, and Bass is at a loss.  He would rather embrace his numbness than experience the  profound wholeness and depth of a people who have witnessed/perpetrated/been victimized by such evil and yet have overcome through God's mysterious gift of forgiveness.

I am left to ponder my own numbness.  When have I chosen to keep at arms length that which I cannot understand?  That which I do not want to understand or believe possible.  That which I know would require much more of me than I care to give up in order to obtain it?  

Is numbness better than soaring on the indefinable heights of the ultimate expression of forgiveness all while the images of soul-wrenching evil still burn in memory, tethering us to the earth and its ways?  Is it?

It isn't.  Numbness is not better than the display of His splendor.  Just ask Moses, who boldly asked God, "Please, show me Your glory!" Exodus 33:18.  Just like the surviving and thriving Rwandans today, Moses came down from that mountain after experiencing the glory of God only to have others look away in fear and disbelief.  His face was aglow with something they could not comprehend, something they weren't sure they wanted to comprehend.  It looked painful.  It looked other-worldly.  It was easier to look away and remain numb.  Easier, but not better. In Exodus, we read how God hid Moses in a crack in a rock while His glory passed by, knowing that Moses could only take a small portion of the weight of the immeasurable glory of God and still live.  Is that what we are afraid of?  Is that why we remain numb when we could experience the glory of God?  Do we fear that experiencing something so beautiful and powerful might just kill us?  What a way to go! 


May 2014 be a year of shaking off numbness and fear in all its forms.  Of living life fully, even when it hurts, especially when it hurts.  Of living a life "with such capacity for strength and spiritual growth" that no one can witness it without standing in utter awe of the God who is able to bring terrifying beauty from the likes of evil men all for the display of His life-giving splendor.  Glory to God.

Whenever someone gets married, we say they are "taking the plunge," or making a "leap of faith."  Everyone recognizes that going into marriage, you can't possibly know everything about the person that you are committing to spend your life with, and yet, we do it anyway.  We admit we don't know it all, but that what we do know is enough.

In the Bible, in the letter to the Hebrews, the 11th chapter and 1st verse, we read that "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen," and in the sixth verse of the same chapter we learn that "Without faith, it is impossible to please God."  As a parent, this makes complete sense to me: without my son having faith in me, he will never please me.  Never.  His faith in me is the evidence that we have a good relationship, that he acknowledges my love for him and my good intentions toward him.  If he continually questions me and never trustfully relaxes in my presence, how could I ever be pleased with that relationship?  It is the same in our relationship with God, our Father, and rightfully so.  

Similar to marriage, if we have committed to spend our lives with Him, what we do know about Him should be enough.  That doesn't mean we stop getting to know Him after that commitment is made - most married couples learn far more about each other after the wedding day than they do  before - but it does mean that we live out our days in both knowledge AND faith - growing in both, but not swerving from what we originally held to when we made that "leap of faith" to begin with.

This reflection on faith, led me to look up places in the Bible that shed more light on the word.  Here is what I learned:

1. Faith is more precious than gold. (1 Peter 1:7)
2. Faith results in the salvation of our souls. (1 Peter 1:9, Ephesians 2:8)
3. Faith is the victory that overcomes the world. (1 John 5:4)
4. Faith is required for miraculous healing. (Mark 10:52, Luke 8:48, Matthew 9:2, 22, 29, Matthew 8:5-13, Acts 6:8)
5. It doesn't take much faith (relatively speaking) to be able to live out life to the fullest (the size of a mustard seed would suffice). (Matthew 17:20)
6. Faith purifies and sanctifies hearts. (Acts 15:9, 26:18)
7. Local churches are established by faith. (Acts 16:5)
8. Faith brings comfort. (Romans 1:12)
9. Faith is counted as righteousness by God, which is good news because there is no one who actually IS righteous, not even one. (Romans 4:5-20)
10. Faith is the key that grants us access to God's grace. (Romans 5:2)
11. Things that don't come by faith, are often sinful. (Romans 14:23)
12. Faith exercised apart from love is worthless. (1 Corinthians 13:2)
13. There is only one true faith. (Ephesians 4:5)
14. Faith brings unity. (Ephesians 4:13)
15. Faith is a shield against the devil. (Ephesians 6:16)
16. God's promises are inherited through faith and patience. (Hebrews 6:12)
17. When faith is tested (and it WILL be tested), the believer acquires perseverance. (James 1:3)
18. Faith is a required prerequisite when asking God for wisdom. Faith that God is all-wise and that He willingly imparts wisdom to His children. (James 1:6)

I also learned through studying the scriptures about faith that we have internal and external responsibilities once we have invested faith in God:


Internally we are to:

• Pray and continually ask God to help us have more faith in Him. The Bible tells us that the apostles (those who walked most closely with Jesus) asked him to increase their faith, so should we (Luke 17:5).  
• Hold on to the faith that we do have.  Kind of like dating your spouse, we are to nourish our first love and not let it be torn down by emotions, circumstances or others' opinions.  In 1 Timothy 1, Paul tells Timothy not to reject the promises made by God concerning his future.  He says others have done so and their faith has been shipwrecked as a result.  We are to remember our vows and God's vows to us and to lean on them.
• Examine our hearts and lives for authenticity. In 2 Corinthians 13, Paul instructs the Corinthian believers that they should examine themselves to be sure they are in the faith. Insinuating that some can walk a path, convincing themselves that they have faith, but when tested it is revealed that their faith was pretending.

Externally we are to:

• Obey Him by faith. If we have faith we not only agree inwardly, we must act outwardly, demonstrating that faith in how we live our lives.  Scriptures are rampant with this (Romans 1:5 & 17, Galatians 2:20, 2 Corinthians 5:7, 1 Timothy 5:8, Acts 6:7, James 2:17-22).
• Speak up and talk about our faith. We should share about our experiences with God and His Word boldly and without showing partiality (James 2:1-5, Philemon 1:6, Jude 1:3).
• Build up the church with our faith.  Use our gifts to build up others, and help those whose faith is waning, as well as correct those who are wandering (Romans 12:6, 14:1, 1 Thessalonians 3:10, Titus 1:13).

It is a beautiful cycle - attending to our faith internally leads to a stronger desire to demonstrate our faith externally, and those experiences of acting on our faith in God fan the flame of our internal faith-walk even more, until 10-25-50 years later we celebrate anniversaries of faith in Christ and marvel at how much more precious He is to us now than he was when we first believed, and tell the world how glad we are that we took that leap of faith!

When our son was a toddler, we learned a nifty parenting trick.  After suffering through meltdown after meltdown whenever it was time to transition from one activity to the next, we discovered that if we gave our son a 5 or 10 minute warning before the transition was about to happen, the meltdowns were a thing of the past.  "Tim, it will be time to help clean up toys and say goodbye in ten minutes."  "Tim, dinner will be in five minutes, so get ready to stop your video." As long as he knew what was coming and when, he could cope.  When he had time to wrap things up or finish on his own terms, he was golden.  If the meltdown wasn't completely averted, it was at least lessened in severity.

Don't you wish we had the luxury of those kinds of warnings in life as adults.  "Carla, in six months you will not be living here any more and you'll have to start over."  "Carla, within the year, that person that you are so attached to will pass away."  "Carla, in the next week someone in your family will become ill."  Just a little warning, wouldn't that be nice?  Just a little heads up so we can wrap our minds around what is coming and finish or adjust on our own terms. 

The thing is, these little advance warnings weren't the most valuable things we could offer our son.  Yes, they made life a little more bearable in the moment, especially as he was making his way through those toddler years, but it was never meant to be a way of life.  After all, we wouldn't always have a warning ourselves.  Sometimes we would need to make a transition with little to no warning and we would need him to trust us and spring into action before his emotions could catch up.  What we really wanted him to learn were things like - Your Mom and Dad love you and we are in charge.  We know what is best and we are working with an agenda that includes more than your immediate happiness, things you just aren't prepared to understand yet.  The more you trust us, the more you will see that we have your best interest at heart.  We may ask you to do some things that you do not want to do, but it is never out of cruelty.  At the end of the day, what we really wanted him to learn to do was to rest in our trustworthiness, and to respond based on our relationship not on an attachment to an established, predictable routine.

The same is true with our walk through life.  The routine will inevitably vary, so putting our trust in things always being the way they have been in the past is foolish.  Many times God will orchestrate situations in such a way as to soften the blows of painful change.  Other times, however, we will be called upon to simply respond in faith-filled obedience, when there is no resemblance of the normal routine anywhere in sight, no promise of how things will be resolved or how long the transition to a new normal will take.

In the end, through the pages of scripture, I have been given three things that are of greater value than a glimpse into the immediate future:

1. I have been given a glimpse into eternity. "And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:3
   
2. I have been given a guarantee never to walk alone.  "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
   
3. I have been given a promise of God's unending love. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

At the end of the day, this is what has been offered to me and it is what I have to offer the world.  It isn't a safe, predictable routine, it is a relationship with the One who created all of us and has a vested interest in our future.  It isn't an advance warning system of difficult changes that lie ahead and it isn't a promise that life will be easy or pain-free.  It is the message of the gospel and it is enough.

Today I was adding new music to my iPod for my commute to work and I started exploring the songs of JJ Heller.  I'd heard a few, but I wanted to hear more.  

One song in particular struck me immediately.  It is entitled, "Who You Are."  It describes the lives of individuals who are going through trying times; life isn't looking the way they thought it would, and they are in pain.  In their sorrow and confusion, they admit that they don't know what God is doing.  I can still hear the chorus ringing in my ears, "I don't know, I don't know what You're doing.  But I know who You are."

We can get through a lot when we know who we are walking through it with.  When we are sure.  100% certain.  No doubts.  We don't have to know everything in every situation, but we do have to know one thing for sure.  Who is it that walks with me?

The most heart-wrenching time in any relationship comes when one offends the other to the point where the offendee begins to not only take offense at the wrong doing, but to go so far as to question whether or not he really knew this friend in the first place.  This sense of betrayal is a common theme in movies.  We've all heard lines like, "I never even knew you."  or "Who are you, anyway?"   It feeds into our innate fear of trust.  Our fear of giving ourselves completely to another person.  There is always the risk that the wool is being pulled over your eyes, that what you wanted to believe about your friend, or lover, or parent, or mentor isn't actually true.  That's when the walls crumble down around you and the way out seems bleak.

BUT, what if you knew?  What if you never had to wonder?  What if you were absolutely certain that the character & capacity of the one you put your trust in was ROCK SOLID?  How many more confusing times could you make your way through together?  How many perceived offenses could you see past? How much deeper could the water get without you panicking?  How much higher would the mountains be that you could climb with him beside you?  It is almost impossible to fathom, if you have been repeatedly burned in your earthly relationships... that this kind of trust could exist.

When JJ Heller sings, "Who You Are," this is what she is singing about. She is reminding herself and all of us that we can know God.  His character is described vividly and consistently in the Bible and we can count on him to be who He says He is. Every. Single. Time.  

Circumstances will change.

God will not.

*This is cheating, because it is really better when you open your own Bible and pray your very own prayers and let God show Himself to you PERSONALLY, but - if you need a jump-start, a crash course in the character of God - this is a good place to start.

Not one moment that we spend reading the Bible, praying, listening to godly men and women teach and share, acting on what we learn, not one single moment is wasted.  Over time, each of these acts becomes a building block in our relationship with Jesus Christ.  His character IS rock solid.  But in our fallen human state, having encountered unpredictable and untrustworthy people time and time again, we don't come to put our full weight on Him over night.  It comes in time.  It is built by experience.  Give Him a chance.  He will prove to be exactly who He says He is, and that knowledge can make the sun rise after even the darkest of nights.

"You are capable, competent, creative, careful.  Prove it."

That was the fortune hidden inside my cookie on Friday night at the local Chinese restaurant.  I had to laugh.  I once heard my Dad jokingly say that my first words were, "Prove it!"  I'm naturally a questioner and an analyzer.  A truth-seeker.  I want things to make sense and to be backed up by logic and facts (life of the party, I know).  On the other side of that coin, if something can't be proven, I often have little time for it.  I'm not a big fan of philosophical discussions or "what ifs" (much to the chagrin of my visionary, possibility thinking husband).  This fortune, turned the magnifying glass back at me though.  If I am who I think I am, then I should prove it, right?!  It should be backed up by predictable actions and decisions that become "facts" about me and my character.  

It is such a blessing to have people in our lives who do what this fortune cookie did for me... remind us of who we are and challenge us to live it out.  It is even better to have His Word written on our hearts reminding us of who God says we are and how He's already proven it!

2 Corinthians 5:17 - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed way.  Behold, the new has come!" ESV

Galatians 5:1 - "For freedom, Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." ESV

Ephesians 5:8 - "For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of light." ESV

The reality is, I don't have to prove anything to anyone, and no one has anything to prove to me.  God has proven what is ultimately true.  It is now up to us to walk in that truth. Daily.

Last night a storm came through our town, it continued through most of today bringing strong winds and blowing snow.  My husband was sick, so he slept upstairs in our bed and I crashed on the couch, only I couldn't really crash.  I just laid there for hours listening to the sound of the wind rushing around our house and through the trees.  I heard the creaking of the front porch swing.  I felt the strangeness of "perfectly still air" indoors knowing that just on the other side of the window, the door, the exterior walls, the air was anything but still.  It was violent, powerful, unstoppable.  

I immediately formed a mental picture of the protection of God while the storms of life rage all around yet inner peace is maintained supernaturally.  I thought I'd spend some time today writing about that beautiful stillness in the storm.  But when I sat down to write, I knew there was more to the story, or at least a different angle.  Some winds we are not supposed to be sheltered from. There is a wind we are supposed to be right in the middle of, enveloped by, changed by.  

The winds of this world, Jesus can still.  He proved that on more than one occasion with his disciples on the sea.  Sometimes he demonstrated this power by his words, rebuking the wind and the waves, and other times by his mere presence (Matthew 4 & 6).  It strikes me, that when Jesus instructed His disciples that He would have to leave them to return to the Father, but that a helper would come - that the helper was ushered in by a violent, rushing wind (Acts 2).  Wind leaves little doubt as to power.  Unseen power.  Every power on earth was created by God and is less powerful than God, a pale glimpse of what He is capable of.  The sun in our solar system is unbelievably bright, so bright we cannot gaze directly at it for very long without fear of damaging our eyes, but we are told that when we are in God's presence in heaven there will be no need for a sun to provide light and warmth.  God will BE our light.  Unfathomable!

It is only fitting then that He should demonstrate a greater wind as well. A wind that brings life and not destruction.  A wind that can distinguish between that which should remain and that which should be blown away within the soul to make room for that which should reside there.  I am feeling that now in my own life.  Feeling the aches and pains of old soul scars acting up, as a fresh wind prepares to blow through and bring about some needed changes in my life.  As Christians, we are not able to live comfortably, happily, unscathed while holding on to things that do not belong in our souls - sinful attitudes, actions, desires.  They eat at us and the pressure mounts, reminding us that these lesser gods have no place in our lives.  And yet, if we insist on them for long enough, God will allow us to batten down the hatches of our hearts, boarding up the open places - and effectively QUENCH the wind of His Spirit.  We haven't beaten Him or overpowered Him if we do this... we have rejected His life-giving work.  

This song, by Keith Green expresses a desire to remain wide open for the wind of God's Spirit to blow through our lives and do the work it was created to do.  I used to sing it in college and it comes to mind frequently.  May I ever be grateful for and open to His Mighty Rushing Wind.

Rushing wind, blow through this temple,
Blowing out the dust within;
Come and breathe your breath upon me:
I've been born again.

Holy Spirit, I surrender; take me where you want to go.
Plant me by your living water,
Plant me deep so I can grow.
Jesus, you’re the one who sets my spirit free;
Use me, Lord; glorify your Holy Name through me.

Separate me from this world, Lord;
Sanctify my life for you.
Daily change me to your image,
Help me bear good fruit.

Ev'ry day you're drawing closer;
Trials come to test my faith.
But when all is said and done, Lord,
You know it's been worth the wait.

Jesus, you’re the one who set my spirit free;
Use me, Lord; glorify your Holy Name through me.

Rushing wind, blow through this temple,
Blowing out the dust within;
Come and breathe your breath upon me,
For I've been born again.

I've lost nothing, personally.  Not a family member or friend.  Not even a community member or a friend of a friend.  Yet, my stomach churns and the tears flow.  

I find myself asking... Do I get it now?  Do I recognize the frailty of life?  Is this what it takes to wake up a 30-something wife and mother to the reality that she will eventually lose every relationship and every earthly thing - either when they pass on to eternity or when she does?  


Everything on this earth can and will be shaken.  Do I really understand that now?  If I do, how then shall I live?

Is this a wake-up call to YOLO living? You do only live once, after all.

Is this a wake-up call to pursue a cause?  Gun control? Anti-gun control? Better care and more options for those with mental illnesses?  Surely some action should be taken, after all.

Is this a wake-up call to love my family more fully? Do I need to become more involved in my son's school? Devote more time to family activities? Visit relatives more frequently? Family is important, after all.

Is this a wake-up call to be more observant? Do I need to pay closer attention to the people around me who may show signs of being unstable? Should I think back on every person I've known through the years and see who might fit a profile? After all, If I don't notice, who will?

Over the coming days and weeks, Americans will be encouraged to do all of these things by a variety of people we have likely never met nor will we ever meet - newscasters, political figures, heads of movements - and we may even be challenged to examine some of these things by our own family and friends.  We are awake now, and when you are awake it is time to get up and do something.

So what shall we do?  How shall we live in a world where horrible things  happen without a single warning?  Here are some suggestions the Bible offers for living "fully awake:"

1. Know God.  At the end of the day, everything in this world can be shaken and taken.  Make it a point to know the only One who cannot.  There is no excuse for not getting to know Him.  Romans 1:20 NIV: "For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse."  The unshakable, unchangeable God of the universe invites you to know Him:  James 4:8-10 NIV - "Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

2. Be Kind, Forgiving and Joyful.  Pray and Give Thanks to God.  Once you know God and you are steadily learning more about Him more, you inevitably want to know what He wants from your life.  What is his will?  1 Thessalonians 5:15-18 - "Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances;for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."


3. Spread His Hope, Lovingly.  Don't keep His light to yourself.  The world is a dark place.  Don't just be glad for the Holy Spirit's unquenchable flame in your life; share it with others.  1 Peter 3:15 NIV - "But in your hearts, set apart Christ as Lord.  Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.  But do this with gentleness and respect."  


We can do these things, and by God's grace, though outwardly we may be wasting away as the world turns on, inwardly we can be renewed day by day (2 Corinthians 4:16).  


It will take people who are being inwardly renewed day by day to keep up the good fight - to live life knowing we only have so many days on earth, to respectfully and passionately pursue causes worth pursuing, to love our families selflessly, and to be truly observant and mindful of those around us.


"For this reason it says, 'Awake, Sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." - Ephesians 5:14

What in the world goes on inside our brains any way?  Could there possibly be anything more complex on the Earth than the human brain? It controls our breathing and bodily systems without us even being aware or focusing on those things.  The brain is where we process numbers, letters, language, emotions, theories, philosophies, and ideas.  It is where we ponder purpose, meaning, and God.  We talk about the "heart" and "matters of the soul and spirit" but all of these are processed in the brain - as far as I know there is nothing in my chest or abdominal cavity that is contemplating love, friendship, hatred, sin, or sacrifice... nope, just oxygen, blood, and the Nutter Butter I just snacked on.

I was recently doing some research on the work of the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex of the brain, specifically looking at scientists' observations of the threat/reward impulse and what some call the "Amygdala Hijack."  Fascinating dinner conversation, I can assure you.  As scientists observe the brain's activity during different scenarios, they have noticed several consistent patterns:

• Your prefrontal cortex is where logic and reasoning happen.
• The prefrontal cortex is a small portion of your brain.
• Relatively speaking, if the prefrontal cortex was capable of holding 1 square foot of information, the rest of your brain - where subconscious thought and processes occur, apart from our awareness - would hold a Milky Way Galaxy amount of information.
• When you take in stimuli (sights, sounds, sensations, tastes, odors), its first stop in the brain is the thalamus.  If the thalamus perceives the stimuli as intense it bypasses the rational prefrontal cortex and sends that stimuli straight to your limbic system (where you amygdala resides).
• The amygdala regulates what scientists call the freeze, fight or flight impulses to threatening or exciting new stimuli.  Basically, it is survival mode, and it floods the brain with electro-chemicals that take effect immediately.  Heightening our senses with a readiness for action to preserve ourselves.

Here's the deal, the amygdala gets hijacked, and rightfully so, when someone cuts us off in traffic and we are afraid we are going to crash, when we slip near the edge of a cliff and nearly fall, etc.  Basically when our lives are at risk.  Here's the deeper deal, the limbic system is also subconsciously creating physical reactions in us for social survival too.  It reacts strongly when things like: our status, our ability to predict the future, our sense of being in control, our ability to feel relationally close to others, or our sense of fairness are threatened.  Before we can ever have a rational thought about these things, our brain has established pathways for classifying something as good or bad in relation to these areas.

This is fascinating to me.  Science is great!  Observing the world around us and even our own bodies and functioning is worthwhile, however, observation of what has been created alone, cannot bring full understanding - in fact it can lead us astray unless we seek the wisdom of the creator to temper it with.

1. Science observes: Status is important to people's happiness.  If the brain perceives that social status is being threatened, it reacts strongly.  If the brain perceives an increase in social status, being elevated above others, this is desirable.  Brain scientist's answer: Elevate yourself.  Seek ways to minimize the threats to your status and maximize the opportunities to get ahead of others.  
The Bible says: Status belongs to God alone.  We are to reject impulses to elevate ourselves and rather humble ourselves and allow God to exalt us in due time as He sees fit. (James 4:10, Psalm 145:3, Philippians 2:3)

2. Science says: Knowing the future and living in certainty brings feelings of comfort and security (increases in dopamine).  Brain scientist's answer: Proactively organize your life to reduce uncertainty, plan, plan, plan.
The Bible says: The future belongs to God alone.  He alone knows what it holds and He alone is the source of lasting comfort and security.  We are to trust him and release our claims to knowing the future. (James 4:13-17, 2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

3. Science observes: Having choices and a sense of control is vital to mental health.  
The Bible says: Releasing control and choosing God's will is vital to spiritual health. The most important choice is choosing God and that choice leads to relinquishing control, not grasping on to it.  (Joshua 24:15, Romans 12:2, 1 Peter 4:1-2, 1 John 2:17)


4. Science observes: Being in relationship with other people and having safety in those relationships frees you to think freely.
The Bible says: Offer your friendship to those who may have nothing to give you in return.  Relationships are important and safety in relationships is good, but they aren't all about what's in it for us. (Ephesians 5:21, Romans 12:13-16)

5. Science observes: Do what you can to pursue fairness in your world to reduce your feelings of threat.
The Bible says: Life isn't fair because sin is a part of our world.  We need not feel threatened by a lack of fairness because we serve a just God who will right wrongs perfectly in time.  We pursue justice, not to make our own path easier or straighter, but to aid those who cannot help themselves.  We do not demand fairness for ourselves because we know that if we were treated fairly, ultimately we deserve death.  (Deuteronomy 32:4, Romans 12:17-21)

At the end of the day, we are not bound to the inevitable chemical reactions of our brains.  2 Corinthians 2:15-16 NIV says, "The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgement. 'For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?' But we have the mind of Christ."  One of the ways scientists have observed to avoid the long lasting effects of a hijacked amygdala is to reframe your reality and experience.  As Christians - God has given us a frame for our worldview with which to talk ourselves off the ledges of life.  It is given in His Word.  Let's fill our minds with the truth of scripture and in doing so re-train our brains to perceive what true threats and rewards really are.  Then we will be ready to take risks, look outside ourselves for fulfillment, sacrifice freely, and basically have a life that counts for something, not just a life that is comfortable.

That's all I have to say about that.

A couple of weeks ago, I told my son a story that helped renew his faith in God's existence.  It got me thinking. How do I know God exists?  I have no idea how long this post is going to turn out to be, but I'm going to pour out from my heart whatever comes to mind from my personal experience that reassures me that I know MY GOD exists.  I am going to focus on ways that are personal to me, this isn't going to be an academic or intellectual endeavor this time around, although the evidence is staggering! (Check out the references at the end of this post for more information on the more universal evidence pointing to God's existence.)  These reasons are all mine.  You could refute them in a million ways, and explain them away, but it won't take away from my joy or my confidence.  My hope doesn't rest on these experiences, (that hope comes from the Bible and the Bible alone) but my faith has been strengthened by them along the way.

1. I have been protected from COUNTLESS mishaps as a naive younger woman that cannot be explained.  I should have been harmed.  Period.
2. I once read my Bible one morning and then went to work and shared what I had learned with a co-worker who sobbed, telling me that she had randomly opened her Bible that very morning in desperation and read the exact same portion of scripture and got up bereaved because she didn't understand it.  I had, unknowingly, interpreted it for her, and it spoke directly to a situation she was going through that I was unaware of.
3. I have woken up in the middle of the night with crystal clear ideas about ministry that I couldn't have come up with on my own.
4. I have been offered jobs and promotions that my own knowledge and skill set could not have commanded on their own.
5. My soul has been saved. Of that I have no doubts.
6. I have a strong desire to be in church with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Every. Sunday.
7. I have had just the right friends at just the right times in my life.
8. My heart rate accelerates alarmingly whenever I am in a Bible Study or Sunday School class and I feel like I am supposed to speak up about something.  Whatever comes out of my mouth in those moments is passionate and very different emotionally than any other context where I might share things with a group.
9. There has been more than one occasion in my life when I needed a certain amount of money and God has provided it either to the penny, or above and beyond.
10. When we moved across the country (at God's leading), we left before our house had sold.  We got a solid offer 100 miles before our car crossed the border into the new State we would be living in.
11. When our foster daughters were brought to our home, I experienced the most unbelievable feeling of peace and a sustaining energy that I had never felt before.  I sensed God's pleasure and His provision.
12. I have been able to forgive offenses that would have haunted others for decades.
13. When my son uttered his belief in Christ and asked for forgiveness of his sins at the tender age of 6, he said and did some very specific things that made my heart sing and tears roll down my face.  I had been fearful that he would attempt to make that decision too early in life and that he wouldn't really understand it and that I would be plagued with doubts.  I have never doubted the reality of that experience for him.
14. I felt compelled to spend some time in intensive research of a specific portion of the Bible.  My husband agreed to me being away from the house for 3-4 hours a day for a month as I studied and wrote.  When it was all said and done, we didn't know what I was supposed to do with the final product.  We prayed about it.  Four months later a friend called and asked me if I would speak at weekend women's retreat at her church.  I had already prepared for it and I didn't even know she was going to ask.
15. My husband is not the man that I spent my college years looking for, and yet he is completely and utterly perfect for me in every way possible.  He came into my life unexpectedly and in a desert place (literally).
16. Many times when I read the Bible I find myself getting very excited or weeping, or compelled to act on what I've read.  This book was written by men who lived 2,000 years before I came on the scene, who lived in a very different cultural context.  There is no other book I have this reaction to.
17. Two of our foster daughters' mother was in a coma and very near to death.  I taught them to pray for the first times in their lives and we daily prayed for her recovery.  She bounced back.
18. My son has an inner joy and an adaptability that we could never have instilled in him on our own.  It is a gift from God that has sustained him through a lot of changes.
19. My parents moved to Southeast Asia as missionaries before my son learned to crawl.  I prayed that he would somehow be able to bond with them and love them well even though the distance couldn't have been greater.  They never spent a Christmas, Thanksgiving or birthday with us for the first 8 years of his life.  As an 11 year old boy, he LIGHTS UP at the thought of spending time with them and loves them deeply as though they lived down the street.
20. I am rarely without a song in my heart.

These are a few of my faith-builders over the years.  They are not yours.  They aren't the bottom-line proof of my faith in God, but they are the icing on the cake.  

Looking for more concrete answers to your questions about God:
1. Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry website - go here and click on "Questions."
2. Evidence That Demands A Verdict - a book by Josh McDowell
3. Give Me An Answer website - by Cliff Knechtle

Or - pick up a Bible - say a prayer telling God you want to find Him - seek out a Bible believing church to start attending - and see what happens:
"You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." - God.  Jeremiah 29:13