Today I read this story about a young man in Belize whose life was radically changed by people loving him and encouraging him when his own parents abandoned him at the age of 12.  I was moved by the way I saw God's hand in his life as he described the twists and turns that led him to the place of gratitude and hope where he is now. I can imagine that it took courage for him to write his story down and that there were probably times where he doubted whether he should or not.  Sometimes something means an awful lot to us, but we have doubts about whether or not it would mean much to others.  It is disconcerting to share our stories when others may discount their value or weight.  Earlier this week I read two different accounts written by fathers who lost a child.  One to a stillbirth and the other to a tragic car accident at age five.  Both commented that they were hesitant to share their stories.  They were concerned about somehow cheapening the weight of their experiences with their own clumsy words and even worse, laying them out there for others to criticize or judge - not just their writing, but their very motives for writing in the first place. 

I am thankful that each of these people chose to tell their story.  SO thankful.  I am drawn to stories.  True stories.  Biographies, autobiographies, historical sketches, blogs, I want to read them all.  To me, this is the stuff of life.

In Shauna Niequist's book, "Bittersweet," she writes this, "There are myths that we tend to believe about our stories: the first is that they're about us; they don't matter. But they're not only about us, and they matter more than ever right now. When we, any of us who have been transformed by Christ, tell our own stories, we're telling the story of who God is... My life is not a story about me. And your life is not a story about you. My life is a story about who God is and what he does in a human heart."

Let's be brave and tell His story about our lives - about what He has brought us through and what He is walking with us in today and where He seems to be leading us. And let's not be quick to judge when others share their stories.  There are things to learn about God and what He is doing in the world bound up inside each and every person we meet - my bus driver, the woman I pass in the city each day holding a cardboard sign, your son's swim team coach, the mail carrier, my neighbor, the telemarketer.  Perhaps if we saw each other that way, if we saw ourselves that way, we'd approach each other with a bit more grace and dignity, and we'd dive deeper into the the greatest story ever told.

Do you ever feel tempted to play God?  To take over?  To make something happen the way you feel strongly it should happen?  To get involved in the “how” of something that you feel confident in the “what” or “why” of?  You have!?  Want to be best friends?  I am tempted to do this on a regular basis.

I once took a strengths assessment and discovered that one of my greatest strengths is my sense of responsibility.  That sounds good, right?  Don’t you want to have people in your life who have a strong sense of responsibility?  Who won’t bail on you in the middle of something? Who will take ownership over a task? Who will not drop the ball?  Who think ahead and count the cost before committing? That sense of responsibility has served me very well these past 39 years – it helped me get good grades in school, complete my college degree, be a faithful spouse, a devoted mom, a dedicated employee.  It has helped me stay on top of finances and keep the housework from getting completely out of control.  Not a bad strength to have!

So what is lurking on the flipside of the coin of responsibility?  For me, it is a tendency to want to control things that are either beyond my ability to control or exceeding my right to control.  As a responsible mother, I want to raise my son with attention to detail – I don’t want any character issue, health need, spiritual discipline, or mental aptitude to go unnoticed or unattended.  Why? Yes , because I love him, but also because I feel responsible.  The danger comes when I take my responsibility to far.  I stop focusing only on my responsibility to do the right thing in a given situation and, in addition, take on the responsibility for the outcome of the situation as well. 

To be responsible for myself: my actions, attitudes, and words; is a wonderful thing.  To take on the responsibility for anything beyond that is where I start to get into trouble.  

In a scientific research environment, experiments are conducted to arrive at conclusions that can lead to helpful solutions to difficult problems.  Lots and lots of experiments are conducted before the solution is reached.  In order to get the specific desired outcome that they are looking for, scientists isolate all the different variables that could have an effect on the outcome of the experiment.   They do this in a sterile environment where they control every possible variable.  That way when they complete an experiment, they know exactly how and why the result was achieved and they can replicate it. 

My overreaching sense of responsibility would LOVE for life to take place in a controlled, sterile environment.  I don’t know about you, but in the complex world I live in, I can do all the right things and still end up with a result that is riddled with the effects of all the variables I couldn’t control along the way… variables like other people’s actions, attitudes, and words, my own limited understanding and perception, and the effects of an unseen spiritual war that is going on all round me at all times. 

Repeat after me: “I am only in control of myself!  I cannot control any other person on this planet without eventually hurting them.  I cannot control every variable.  I cannot control other people’s priorities or their desires.  I cannot control the outcome of any situation, only my role in it.”

Responsibility is a wonderful attribute, but taking responsibility for things that are clearly God’s responsibility is, at best, setting me up for frustration and, at worst, paving a road that leads to deception and destruction.  I think I need to create a pin board somewhere in my mind for my “Junior God” badge.  Any time I find myself overstepping my bounds, I’ll remind myself to head to that pin board and hang that badge back up where it belongs.  There is no such thing as a Junior God, but there is such a thing as a “dearly love child of God,” and that is the badge I want to wear instead.

How about you?

For the past two days, I've been dealing with a sudden onset of lower back pain.  A couple trips to the chiropractor and some x-rays to rule out anything serious, and I am now feeling 65% better.  Any time an ache or pain slows me down, I HATE IT.  I hate being sick.  I hate injuries.  I don't manage health related setbacks well.  I'm not a fun patient.  I just want it to "be over."

Meanwhile, I have a friend in California, a mom of three elementary school-aged kids, who is being treated for Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. RSD (as I understand it) is an unexplainable disease of the nervous system that is triggered by an injury.  The nervous system and body "overreact" to the injury and go a little haywire, making the pain related to the injury disproportionately severe.  Not only that, but the intense pain spreads to other body parts not affected by the injury, basically making life completely miserable, if not unbearable even after the injury heals.

Suddenly, perspective settles in.  Why was I complaining again?

My friend is currently undergoing a Ketamine treatment that requires her to be at the hospital from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. every day.  The side effects include nausea, vomiting, extreme fatigue, and hallucinations.  She has had all of these.

From now on when my back twinges or pain wakes me up at night when I try to roll over in bed, I'm going to stop and pray for my friend instead of focusing on my own pain.  Would you do the same?  You don't have to know her name or anything about her really... just pray for my friend... a fellow planet-wanderer who has been thrown a difficult curve ball.  

So how do you pray?

• Pray for the hallucinations to cease.  
  
• Pray for the vomiting to stop.
  
• Pray for her as she is away from her kids and misses them.
  
• Pray for her mental stability as this treatment will be long and she'll need more emotional and physical energy reserves than Wonder Woman.
  
• Pray for her spiritually, that God will be very sweet and tender with her and that she would see evidences of His work on her behalf and find ways to continue giving thanks (as she already has).
  
• Pray for her husband.  No man is equipped to see his wife in pain without being able to alleviate it.  Pray for his endurance and his sensitivity. Pray for his emotional and physical health.
  
• Pray for her kids.  This is one strong mama, and it won't be easy for her kids to see her in a weakened state.  
  
• Pray for her parents.  No matter how old you are, your mom and dad will always see you as their baby.  Pray for their peace of mind.
  
• Pray for a miracle of healing.  God is capable of it.
  

Maybe if in our own pain (whether it is emotional, spiritual, or physical), we can be reminded of the ache of another and lift her up in prayer, none of our pain will be in vain.  And God will bring a kind of healing we never could have imagined. 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9).

"You are capable, competent, creative, careful.  Prove it."

That was the fortune hidden inside my cookie on Friday night at the local Chinese restaurant.  I had to laugh.  I once heard my Dad jokingly say that my first words were, "Prove it!"  I'm naturally a questioner and an analyzer.  A truth-seeker.  I want things to make sense and to be backed up by logic and facts (life of the party, I know).  On the other side of that coin, if something can't be proven, I often have little time for it.  I'm not a big fan of philosophical discussions or "what ifs" (much to the chagrin of my visionary, possibility thinking husband).  This fortune, turned the magnifying glass back at me though.  If I am who I think I am, then I should prove it, right?!  It should be backed up by predictable actions and decisions that become "facts" about me and my character.  

It is such a blessing to have people in our lives who do what this fortune cookie did for me... remind us of who we are and challenge us to live it out.  It is even better to have His Word written on our hearts reminding us of who God says we are and how He's already proven it!

2 Corinthians 5:17 - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed way.  Behold, the new has come!" ESV

Galatians 5:1 - "For freedom, Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." ESV

Ephesians 5:8 - "For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of light." ESV

The reality is, I don't have to prove anything to anyone, and no one has anything to prove to me.  God has proven what is ultimately true.  It is now up to us to walk in that truth. Daily.

A friend recently posted this audio recording from one of Moody Bible Institute's chapel services.  The speaker is Rosalie de Rosset and her message is timely and simultaneously convicting and refreshing.  After listening to it, I immediately purchased her book of essays entitled, "Unseduced and Unshaken - The Place of Dignity in a Young Woman's Choices."  

A couple of my favorite quotes from the book so far include:

"Dignity is a strong, chosen, deliberate way of life, the result of the totality of a person's choices and worldview."

"If your faith matters, your mind matters.  If your mind matters, it is important what you do with it, theologically and intellectually.  You cannot separate your spiritual life from the life of the mind.  You can't be fully human without using wisely all the faculties God has given you.  They are intertwined; one will not thrive without the other.  In neglecting one or the other, you will live a small, shriveled existence."

I also appreciated her reflection on the character of Bilbo Baggins from J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit, "Gandalf tells the reluctant and unlikely hero, 'There is more to you than you know,' more in this instance than doing what he has always done.  The wise magician knows that Bilbo has become addicted to that cozy rabbit hole; he likes eating and drinking well, he likes being comfortable.  But Gandalf knows that Bilbo has two sides to his nature, that 'within the hobbit's veins coursed the blood not only from the sedentary Baggins side of the family but also from the swashbuckling Took side.'  Bilbo has gotten used to the sedentary side, and after all, he's not doing anything wrong; he's just a nice, even generous, placid hobbit who knows how to have a good time, who fits into his community.  But, something transcendent is calling to Bilbo - telling him there is more to life than this, that there are adventures to be had on a heroic scale, that there is good and evil in this world, and he has to be part of fighting the wrongs."

I have met and been inspired by many young women who also feel that something transcendent is calling them, that there is more to life than having the most friends on Facebook, than knowing everything that happened on Glee last week, more than having a comfortable, popular life.  They are right.  They can be a part of fighting the wrongs in this world, and they can do so while maintaining dignity and spiritual fervor, growing in wisdom and faith along the way.  And, thanks be to God, So can I.  But none of us will get there without being ready to sacrifice along the way - giving up our "addiction to our cozy rabbit hole".  I am thankful to writers and teachers like Rosalie de Rossert for cheering on this generation of young people and affirming their sense of calling to something deeper, richer, and more rewarding than the status quo.  

Romans 12:11-12 NIV, "Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."


1 Timothy 4:12 NASB, "Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example to those who believe."

This weekend, some friends took Tim and I to the Southern Ohio Indoor Music Festival.  It wasn't my first time hearing bluegrass music, but it was my first time at a bluegrass FESTIVAL.  As I sip my coffee this morning and think back on the experience, I can't help but think the church (global and local) could learn a lot from the bluegrass music culture.  

CHURCH, Listen up!

1. People really cared about each other and they showed it.  This festival is an annual event.  During the course of the concerts this weekend, people who were not in attendance for various reasons were appropriately acknowledged.  It was evident that while the music is what initially draws people to the festival, the friendships and family-feel is what keeps people coming back year after year.  Examples: One lady who ran a booth each year was unable to attend this year because of health problems.  The festival organizers left several sheets of stationery in the vendor room for people who would notice she was missing to write her encouraging messages and let her know she was missed.  One of the performers lost his mother to cancer a few weeks before the festival.  A last minute raffle was organized and people donated to breast cancer research (raising over $2,500) in her memory at the event.  Local church - how can you show people in your congregation that they matter?  That their losses matter to you?  That their presence and involvement matters to you?
2. Young people were celebrated and involved in every part of the event.  Young people, ages 11 and up, were prominently featured at the festival.  Some were musicians who played on the big stage right alongside those who had been playing for decades, honing their raw talent.  Others were working at the vendor booths, working back stage, or helping check in the musicians' instruments between sets.  The bluegrass culture quite naturally celebrates senior adults, but they go out of their way to honor young people and to involve them and embrace them.  Local church, young people are the future of your congregation.  How can you embrace their talents, energy and perspective?  How can you bring them along and include them in every area of ministry?
3. The music was equal parts serious, fun, and inspiring.  When people think of bluegrass music, most will think of Dueling Banjos or something upbeat and knee-slapping from Oh Brother Where Art Thou.  That kind of music is a part of bluegrass but it isn't everything.  Bluegrass music can be soulful, serious, reflective, and even silly and down-right funny sometimes.  It pays homage to EVERY human emotion, not just the ones people deem pleasant.  While you might go to a concert to hear Dueling Banjos, you may very well leave thinking about something that you never even realized was a part of the bluegrass scene.  Local church, Don't be a one trick pony.  God created individuals to be creative, unique, and infinitely variable.  When the church reflects that reality it brings more glory to God, not less. Our music, teaching, events, programs, prayers, outreach and ceremonies can and should have variety and at times should be unexpected.
4. There is no competition in bluegrass. If you have attended a concert, but not a festival, you might be under the impression that it is each musician/band out for themselves.  When you sit through a day or two of music with multiple bands present however, you quickly find that they all know each other and they are all very much family.  Their goal is a common one - to play great music and to see bluegrass music enjoyed and carried on as a genre.  It is very common during a band's performance for them to bring up other artists to the stage for a comedy routine or a special song that they will collaborate on.  As the festival goes on this happens more and more frequently and at the end a finale might include 4, 5, or 6 different groups all playing together simply for the joy of the music that they share.  Local Church, you are not in competition with other denominations or the church down the street.  Embrace your commonalities for the good of your people and for the good of the cause of Christ.  Celebrate each other.  Work together whenever possible.
5. Bluegrass music is not about perfection.  There were several points during the festival when mistakes were made by the singers and musicians.  They were obvious at times and more subtle at others. One particular moment occurred when the host of the festival couldn't seem to find the right note to start an a capella song with his band.  He didn't try to act like it wasn't happening.  He made us all comfortable with his struggle by acknowledging it, humorously even.  We were drawn to him and rooting for him.  Someone brought him a bottle of water and the show went on and the song was great!  It didn't take away from the festival one bit... in fact, that moment enriched the festival! People were reminded that the players on stage were just as human as they could be and that they were up there to be a blessing and to bring joy, not to be superhuman and without imperfection.  Local Church, do not fear imperfection.  The more you cling to perfection and demand it, the more you set people up to feel distanced from what is going on within your four walls rather than drawn to it.

I hope everyone reading this gets a chance to go to a bluegrass music festival at some point, but more than that I hope that you get yourselves involved in a local church and be people who make the church more joy-filled and effective in its work.  

Romans 12:3-5 
3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 

Today during the discussion we had in the Sunday School class that we attended, I was reminded of a habit that we have gotten into as a family.  A good habit!  Every time Timothy has a birthday, Jason and I give him a new privilege and a new responsibility based on his age and ability level.  Hmmm, what does that have to do with Sunday School...? I'm glad you asked.

We were discussing how grateful we are that God doesn't confront us with every single sinful attitude and action in our lives all at once.  We were comforted with the fact that sanctification is a lifelong process and that His grace is sufficient through it all.  That made me think of Timmy's birthday privilege and responsibility, because as Christians one of the worst things that we can do is compare ourselves with other believers.  That comparison either leaves us gloating in our privileges and mastery of our responsibilities or leaves us feeling like dirt... neither attitude is godly.  

Here is a practical example: On Tim's 10th birthday, his new responsibility was to make his bed daily.  He was finally tall enough and his arms were finally long enough to do the job right.  
 - Does this mean that Tim's bed had gone unmade for the previous 10 years?  No.  We took care of it until we were convinced he was able.
 - Does that mean that we were secretly harboring anger toward Tim for the previous 10 years because beds need to be made and he wasn't making his?  No.  We hadn't asked him to do that yet, nor did we feel like he was ready for that responsibility.  There were other things we had him working on in the meantime (setting the table, picking up dog poop in the yard, vacuuming, putting away dishes, etc.).
 - Does that mean that the 7, 8, and 9 year old friends that Tim had who had already been making their beds themselves were better than Tim?  No.  They had been given different responsibilities by their parents that had nothing to do with what was between Tim and his parents.

If that makes perfect sense to us, why do we not always carry that principle with us into the spiritual realm.  Why do we look down our noses at people who "call themselves Christians" but still sin in ways we don't?  Or, on the other side of that coin, why do we look at others who have mastery over something and declare ourselves worthless because we aren't there yet.  God convicts us all and equips us all as He sees fit as we grow up and mature in Him.  He doesn't expect everything from us all at once and we shouldn't expect it of each other.  

The moral of this story?
1. You may be making your bed daily, but don't gloat over your brother or sister with the unmade bed... chances are he/she has been busy picking up dog poop.  Want to trade?
2. Thank God for His grace that is sufficient for every task and every mistake we make along the way.  He knows what we are capable of and He never asks more of us than we can accomplish with His strength and support.  What a loving Father!

2 Peter 3:18 (NASB): "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen."

Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) "...speaking the truth in love we will all grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ."

Arguments happen.  Sometimes they NEED to happen.  Sometimes the resolution to a short-term or an ongoing problem will not come WITHOUT a healthy argument. I know, I know, all you anti-conflict people out there are not liking where this is going one little bit.  I know because I am one of you.  If there is a way to avoid a conflict, I typically find it and take it.  Conflict is uncomfortable and sometimes scary, for one reason and one reason only - we don't know how it will end.  

There are times, however, when "the known" becomes unacceptable and we must step foot into conflict, hoping that the unknown will eventually be better.  Since conflict is inevitable, how do we walk into it with a mind-set that will have the best chance of making the most of the disagreement and help us reach common ground with the fewest battle wounds possible?  

1. Guard your words as if you were guarding Fort Knox.  Don't exaggerate!  Don't think of the next thing you are going to say while the other person is speaking.  Don't let your emotions surrounding the issue allow you to say hurtful or untrue things.  James 1:26 NIV says, "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."  Words matter.  Keep in mind that what you say and how you say it are the only things you have control over in an argument.  
2. Expect the best possible outcome, but be at peace with the worst case scenario. Don't go into a disagreement expecting it to end badly.  Many times, conflict HAS TO HAPPEN in order for things to change and move in a better direction, so we shouldn't fear it.  Instead, we should pray for the ability to see how it could be used for good.  At the same time, we have to make peace with the fact that: A. We cannot control the reactions of others, and B. We cannot control the amount of time it will take others to process what we have to say (aka: the disagreement may not be resolved in 5 minutes flat).  With that in mind, we also need to pray for the ability to identify the worst case scenario accurately and have peace with it.  Peace and happiness aren't the same thing.  Isaiah 26:3 NIV says, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."  Happiness isn't always possible.  Peace is.
3. Spend plenty of time searching your own heart and clearing your own conscience before and DURING your argument.  I don't know who is reading this, but my guess is, You Ain't Perfect!  Listen to what the other person is saying and take responsibility for the results of your own words, attitude and actions, even if you didn't intend for hurtful results.  Your apology and admission of imperfection goes a long way toward leveling the playing field and helping bring about reconciliation and change.  Don't let pride get in the way.  Matthew 7:5 NIV puts it pretty bluntly: "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
4. Keep the purpose of the argument in mind.  Don't get distracted by the argument itself.  How many times have you started out arguing with someone about one thing and then ended up arguing about something else entirely before all was said and done?  This is foolish!  Don't let emotions or side comments derail you.  Keep the goal of reconciliation and positive change in mind and flatly refuse to follow any rabbit trail that leads away from that or complicates matters.  State the purpose of the conversation frequently, clearly and without holier-than-thou overtones to make sure that the person you are in disagreement with understands that you aren't just picking a fight... you WANT resolution.
5. Keep your heart soft toward the other person.  At the end of the day, you are no better or worse than he or she is.  You may be right, but it doesn't make you better.  Don't mentally turn the other person into something in your mind that is beyond redemption or repair.  There will come a day when you will be entirely in the wrong, and completely unaware of it.  How do you desire to be treated on that day?  In Matthew 19:8 (NIV), Jesus says, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning."  Arguments don't end repairable relationships - hard hearts do.

I need to be reminded of these things today and every day.