Today I read this story about a young man in Belize whose life was radically changed by people loving him and encouraging him when his own parents abandoned him at the age of 12.  I was moved by the way I saw God's hand in his life as he described the twists and turns that led him to the place of gratitude and hope where he is now. I can imagine that it took courage for him to write his story down and that there were probably times where he doubted whether he should or not.  Sometimes something means an awful lot to us, but we have doubts about whether or not it would mean much to others.  It is disconcerting to share our stories when others may discount their value or weight.  Earlier this week I read two different accounts written by fathers who lost a child.  One to a stillbirth and the other to a tragic car accident at age five.  Both commented that they were hesitant to share their stories.  They were concerned about somehow cheapening the weight of their experiences with their own clumsy words and even worse, laying them out there for others to criticize or judge - not just their writing, but their very motives for writing in the first place. 

I am thankful that each of these people chose to tell their story.  SO thankful.  I am drawn to stories.  True stories.  Biographies, autobiographies, historical sketches, blogs, I want to read them all.  To me, this is the stuff of life.

In Shauna Niequist's book, "Bittersweet," she writes this, "There are myths that we tend to believe about our stories: the first is that they're about us; they don't matter. But they're not only about us, and they matter more than ever right now. When we, any of us who have been transformed by Christ, tell our own stories, we're telling the story of who God is... My life is not a story about me. And your life is not a story about you. My life is a story about who God is and what he does in a human heart."

Let's be brave and tell His story about our lives - about what He has brought us through and what He is walking with us in today and where He seems to be leading us. And let's not be quick to judge when others share their stories.  There are things to learn about God and what He is doing in the world bound up inside each and every person we meet - my bus driver, the woman I pass in the city each day holding a cardboard sign, your son's swim team coach, the mail carrier, my neighbor, the telemarketer.  Perhaps if we saw each other that way, if we saw ourselves that way, we'd approach each other with a bit more grace and dignity, and we'd dive deeper into the the greatest story ever told.

After church today, I found myself frustrated with our son and about to launch into a diatribe on all the reasons he better "shape up or this is going to be one long summer."  I then detailed my frustration to him - namely, the constant need to remind. Reminders to take care of the dogs, reminders to eat breakfast, reminders to make sure he has clean laundry, reminders to mind his manners, reminders to keep his attitude in check, reminders to brush teeth or use deodorant, reminders to limit his screen time.  I told him that I felt like we'd been reminding him about the exact same things for 13 years and that I was about to lose my mind that he still needed to be reminded.  Then I took a deep breath and looked at his frustrated and defeated face and found the grace (thank you, God) to say, "What's driving you crazy?  That's what is driving me crazy, but anytime three people live in a two-bedroom apartment together and call each other family they are going to drive each other crazy.  So what makes you frustrated with Daddy and I lately?"  Surprise, surprise - His father and I have some pretty annoying habits as well!  Turns out as much as we hate reminding him about things every day - he hates BEING REMINDED constantly!  He also doesn't like that we tell him to limit his screen time, but it seems to him that we are constantly staring at a screen ourselves.  There were others, but there's no reason to over-share, right? 

We ended up having an impromptu family meeting and coming up with a game plan to eliminate the annoying reminder cycle (we will not remind him about things unless he asks for assistance in being reminded and he will suffer natural consequences and/or loss of time with friends if he lets something important slide) and to limit our screen time as a family this summer (Technology-free Tuesdays for the whole family and a set time limit for internet usage the rest of the week.)  We have also posted a family calendar for the summer on the refrigerator and we have committed to finding a family hobby to enjoy together during all those hours that will be freed up by the lack of nagging and internet surfing.

Living together as family is not always easy (sometimes it is down right exhausting and painful), but God is faithful to provide ways to help us live together in peace and even joy when we commit to sticking it out as a family and not giving up on each other.  What are some ways that you have found to make family life better, especially during the summer months?


Ephesians 6:1-4 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”  Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

No man is an island, but man is it ever tempting to try it out sometimes!  There is nothing quite like having to suffer through the consequences of someone else's decision to make you want to bar the doors and windows and give the hermit-life a try.  As long as we live on this planet, we will be effected by the decisions of others.  Sometimes for good, other times not so much.  The same decision-making capability and freedom that God granted you, he also gave to your family members, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, co-worker, boss, pastor, political leader, and even strangers on the street.  

No matter how hard we try, we cannot control those around us or insulate ourselves from their choices.  So what can be done when we find ourselves tossed in the wake of someone else's decisions?

1. Take a deep breath.  Maybe more than one.
2. Remember that you are responsible for your own actions and reactions, regardless of how you feel or who made you feel that way. One bad decision by someone else doesn't necessitate another from you.
3. Plead with God for a higher perspective and a compassionate heart. It may come right away, but it might not.  Expect it. Wait for it. 
4. Acknowledge the reality of the situation and the greater reality of God's sovereignty and His promise to work everything together for your good (Romans 8:28). Acknowledge it in prayer, in journaling, in a conversation with someone you trust. Keep acknowledging it until you find yourself dwelling more on what He can do than on what was done "to you."
5. Take one step in the right direction.  A step of forgiveness, a step of faith, a step away, a step forward, whatever is the next right thing - do that.  Don't wait too long.

Repeat as needed.

Bonus - #6. Thank God for your own freedom to make decisions and even to make mistakes and learn from them.  Ask Him to help you vividly remember this moment when you next make a decision that will impact those around you.

For the past two days, I've been dealing with a sudden onset of lower back pain.  A couple trips to the chiropractor and some x-rays to rule out anything serious, and I am now feeling 65% better.  Any time an ache or pain slows me down, I HATE IT.  I hate being sick.  I hate injuries.  I don't manage health related setbacks well.  I'm not a fun patient.  I just want it to "be over."

Meanwhile, I have a friend in California, a mom of three elementary school-aged kids, who is being treated for Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. RSD (as I understand it) is an unexplainable disease of the nervous system that is triggered by an injury.  The nervous system and body "overreact" to the injury and go a little haywire, making the pain related to the injury disproportionately severe.  Not only that, but the intense pain spreads to other body parts not affected by the injury, basically making life completely miserable, if not unbearable even after the injury heals.

Suddenly, perspective settles in.  Why was I complaining again?

My friend is currently undergoing a Ketamine treatment that requires her to be at the hospital from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. every day.  The side effects include nausea, vomiting, extreme fatigue, and hallucinations.  She has had all of these.

From now on when my back twinges or pain wakes me up at night when I try to roll over in bed, I'm going to stop and pray for my friend instead of focusing on my own pain.  Would you do the same?  You don't have to know her name or anything about her really... just pray for my friend... a fellow planet-wanderer who has been thrown a difficult curve ball.  

So how do you pray?

• Pray for the hallucinations to cease.  
  
• Pray for the vomiting to stop.
  
• Pray for her as she is away from her kids and misses them.
  
• Pray for her mental stability as this treatment will be long and she'll need more emotional and physical energy reserves than Wonder Woman.
  
• Pray for her spiritually, that God will be very sweet and tender with her and that she would see evidences of His work on her behalf and find ways to continue giving thanks (as she already has).
  
• Pray for her husband.  No man is equipped to see his wife in pain without being able to alleviate it.  Pray for his endurance and his sensitivity. Pray for his emotional and physical health.
  
• Pray for her kids.  This is one strong mama, and it won't be easy for her kids to see her in a weakened state.  
  
• Pray for her parents.  No matter how old you are, your mom and dad will always see you as their baby.  Pray for their peace of mind.
  
• Pray for a miracle of healing.  God is capable of it.
  

Maybe if in our own pain (whether it is emotional, spiritual, or physical), we can be reminded of the ache of another and lift her up in prayer, none of our pain will be in vain.  And God will bring a kind of healing we never could have imagined. 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9).

This is Luke McMaster.  He is a multiplatinum song-writer who recently launched a solo career with a billboard hit song - "Good Morning Beautiful."  About a month ago, just before Christmas, a friend of mine from childhood was facing a heart surgery for her 3 year old daughter, Elouise.  Prior to her surgery, Elouise's grandma introduced her to "Good Morning Beautiful" and it became her favorite song.  They tweeted Luke McMaster (a stranger to them) a picture of Elouise listening to the song before going into surgery.  He promised to record a special version just for her.  

The thing is, he actually did it.

He chose to be delightful.  He didn't have to.  Elouise came through her surgery beautifully and would have lived a happy life without a personalized version of a billboard hit song.  But he did it anyway.  This isn't the first story or video to inspire this kind of attitude that I've come across lately: Jon Acuff wrote this blog post called Choose To Be Delightful about his experience at Trader Joe's, and if you haven't been watching the Kid President videos... well then you are missing out big time!

I guess the theme is, Why NOT be delightful?!  It only takes a few extra moments of your time and makes a HUGE difference in the world around you.  

P.S. You can get Luke McMaster's debut album, "All Roads," on iTunes or Amazon.  (not a paid endorsement, I just think it is great to support artists who take the time to be delightful)

Yesterday my son went with his youth group to volunteer with Target:Dayton.  They served a meal to the people who came in need of one.  Some were homeless, others barely getting by.  Timmy was in charge of the coffee.  

As we drove home, after the bus dropped him back off at our local church, I asked him about his experience.  These are the 3 simple things he shared with me and the profound lessons I learned from him:

1. Tim's quote: "Not everyone there "looked" homeless."  Mom's lesson: Not everyone I meet today who could use my help or encouragement will "look" like they need it.  That doesn't mean I should withhold it.  Target:Dayton provides their services indiscriminately and lets each individual decide whether or not they need them and want to receive them.  I should be so generous with my time, resources and attention.

2. Tim's quote: "I didn't know there were so many people in Dayton that were homeless.  There were so many of them." Mom's lesson: The need in the world is greater than I realize or have ever actually seen with my own eyes.  If I saw it all at once, it would likely overwhelm me and paralyze me.  The need is great.  I would be wise not to forget that.

3. Tim's quote: "There was a lady who worked there who came up to me and told me I was doing a good job."  Mom's lesson: It helps to know when we are on the right track.  Serving others isn't easy and when I see someone doing it well, I should tell them so.  We all secretly wonder whether what we are doing is making a difference and whether we are "doing it right."  Words of encouragement are precious gifts that keep the givers giving.

One bonus lesson I learned: The first time our children (or any one else for that matter) experience something, we need to pay attention to their reactions and descriptions.  When we have "been there and done that," we forget the power of a first experience and the unique perspective that comes with it.  

"When it is most difficult to worship God is when it is most important to worship God." ~Mandisa

On Tuesday, January 15th, I tuned in online to watch "A Night of Hope and Healing."  I was not disappointed.  Not only was I not disappointed, I was inspired and thrilled to my core at the display of the love of Christ that was taking place.  The event won't get any national media attention, but I can't let it go by without talking about it here.  It was profound to me.

The event was billed as "a free event designed to bring comfort to the community (surrounding Newtown, CT) through music, prayer, and uplifting messages."  The lineup of talented servants was impressive: Louie Giglio, Max Lucado, Steven & Mary Beth Chapman, Mandisa, TobyMac, Building 429, Laura Story and Casting Crowns.  Lest you think, the ulterior motive of this event was to make money - It was a FREE event, and 10,000 tickets were distributed to the Sandy Hook victims' families and community members affected by the recent school shooting.  I can't even begin to fathom what putting on this event cost.  To say it was an extravagant gift to total strangers, is an understatement.  Here is a taste of what the event included:

Familiar scriptures were recited corporately - the Lord's Prayer, the 23rd Psalm - taking on more personal meaning in light of recent events.  Less familiar scriptures were proclaimed boldly: 

Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Hebrews 4:14-16, "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Songs were sung with rich lyrics that ministered healing to those who would accept it:

Amazing Grace
It is Well With My Soul
Beauty Will Rise:
"It was the day the world went wrong. I screamed til my voice was gone, And watched through the tears as everything came crashing down. Slowly panic turns to pain, as we awake to what remains and sift through the ashes that are left behind. But buried deep beneath all our broken dreams, we have this hope:
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise and we will dance among the ruins. We will see Him with our own eyes. Out of these ashes... beauty will rise. For we know, joy is coming in the morning..."
Whom Shall I Fear:
"I know Who goes before me.  I know Who stands behind.  The God of angel armies is always by my side."
Broken Hallelujah:
"When all I can sing is a broken hallelujah, when my only offering is shattered praise, Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins.  I will worship You and give You thanks, even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah."

Stories were shared. Mary Beth Chapman, in particular, shared openly, while holding back tears about the tragic loss of their own 5 year old daughter, Maria.  Letting those present know they were not alone and they would not be forgotten.  She shared her conviction through it all that in the end God is enough and He is faithful.

Prayers were prayed. At one point the names of each of the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting were displayed in the stadium and a time of silent prayer for their families took place.  Louie Giglio told the group that the pictures and stories of each victim were on display backstage and that the performers had been looking at them and reading about them and asking God for help to minister to those left behind.

One of the performers tried his best to explain why they had all come and put on the event: "We just want to bless you and encourage you and enter into your pain with you and say we hurt too, and tell you
of the God who makes life worth living."  I'd say mission accomplished, and I've never been more inspired by a group of fellow believers trying to live out their faith in the world.  

Some of the heartfelt comments I jotted down as I watched include these:
Louie Giglio said, "In times like this people ask, 'Where is God?'  We are the body of Christ. We aren't a building with four walls, an institution, an organization. We are the hands and feet of Jesus in this world.  If the world is going to see Jesus, they will see him through His sons and daughters.  Where is God? God is here because the people of God are here." 


Steven Curtis Chapman: "The world keeps spinning, leaving many paralyzed, angry, numb and stuck while the world goes on. We have not forgotten you.  Not because we are wonderful in and of ourselves but because Jesus is in us. We may move forward, but we will not move on.  We will keep listening to you, praying for you."

"I drove a stake down in the ground when everything went dark in my life.  Even though I am still angry at times and even though I still don't get it - I have two choices - run away from God or run toward God and trust Him and trust His word is true. He is whispering, 'WILL YOU TRUST ME? I know your heart is broken.  Will you trust me?' The story ISN'T over.  We have lost so much but nothing is lost to God."

Max Lucado: "What Steven Curtis Chapman just did for you, you will one day do for someone else.  For the rest of your life you can speak from a place of 'been there.' If you'll let God be your teacher then what was intended for evil will bear good - you will be a missionary to the brokenhearted."

The Night of Hope and Healing was an absolutely perfectly lived-out illustration of why I am a Christian.  We do not "have" souls, we ARE souls and that night a group of humble, talented, people acknowledged the soul ache (that continues in CT long after the media attention fades away) and very respectfully and gently provided an outlet for those souls to reflect on the the Word of God, to pray and praise and thank and cry, and to find a way back to their Maker for restoration.  Beautiful and powerful to behold.

The most poignant moment to me was when Chris Tomlin and a full band was singing the song, "I Will Rise" (listen below).  There is a part of the song where the lyrics say: "Jesus has overcome, and the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won. He is risen from the dead." The 10,000 people in the arena began to clap and cheer upon singing "The victory is won," and the clapping was so loud Chris Tomlin just stopped playing. And waited.  And let the moment happen.  People continued in their applause for several minutes and then they continued with the song.  Truly, worship is never more beautiful than when it is offered in times of great sacrifice. When I find it hard to worship in the future because of something that has caused me pain, I will remember that night and offer a sacrifice of praise.

Lance Armstrong: "Cancer taught me that pain has a reason and that sometimes the experience of losing things – whether health or a car or an old sense of self – has its own value in the scheme of life. Pain and loss are great enhancers. We have unrealized capacities that only emerge in crisis ... capacities for enduring, for living, for hoping, for caring, for enjoying. Each time we overcome pain, I believe we grow."  

Now the pain is of his own making and cannot be overcome through perseverance, but only through repentance.  I'm disappointed.  Maybe I have no right to be.  I don't know Lance Armstrong.  I have never met him.  Why should I feel I have any right to feelings of disappointment?  Because I read his book (multiple times), and I ate it up.  Because I followed his story and wanted to believe him.  Because he wasn't just an athlete, he chose to be a public athlete.  He chose to allow people to rally around him and use him as an example, an idol.  He branded himself and his brand was built on hard work, an indomitable spirit, perseverance, and an attitude that refused to embrace the victim mentality or any hint of negativity.  Talk about inspirational!  

The only flaw = himself.  When you make yourself out to be a god, when you tell people that you went through hell and not only survived it, but crushed it under your feet and you did it all on your own merit and effort, well you better be telling the truth.  

Yes, I'm disappointed in Lance Armstrong.  His life and story, however, has become infinitely more valuable to me now.  You see, as a mother, I would never have pointed my son to Mr. Armstrong as a mentor or hero.  As someone who puts my faith and trust in Christ alone, I never have and never will encourage my child to place others on a pedestal.  I will however, use his journey as a powerful cautionary tale.  Right now, my son has no idea who Lance Armstrong is, but in the days ahead I will make certain that he does.  I will show him video clips of Lance insisting that he never doped and have him read articles about the financial and personal pain that others were forced to endure as Mr. Armstrong kept up his charade in order to protect his own brand and image.  We will sit down together and we will have conversations about why someone would lie and keep on lying, and whether or not we are capable of the same sort of deception (sadly, we are).  We will discuss the danger of elevating ourselves and our accomplishments for others to take note of.  And we will pray for Mr. Armstrong and we will pray for ourselves.


Revelation 2:5 "Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent." (ESV)


2 Chronicles 7:14 "If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." (ESV)


1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (ESV) 

When I was a very little girl, close to five years old, I experienced what it is like to be drowning. My parents, my Nanny and Pappaw, my brother and I were canoeing down a river in Florida together.  It was a beautiful day and we were having a great time together.  Eventually, my brother and I got into the river and took the seat cushions from one of the canoes and used them as flotation devices and we floated lazily alongside the canoes in the cool water.  It was a perfect summer day.  My brother was a strong swimmer, but I was not.  None of us were concerned about this though because we were staying close together and the water was not very deep.  The events that led up to me gasping for breath are fuzzy in my mind now some 30+ years later, but I do know that one of the canoes tipped over and my grandparents (who did not know how to swim) ended up in the water.  I know that my older brother left me alone to swim over and help them and I let go of my flotation device in the midst of the ensuing chaos.  My Dad jumped out of his canoe to go help my grandparents and in the process, his canoe tipped.  In the craziness of trying to get the canoes righted and the people back in them, I was quietly sinking below the water and bobbing back up with increasing desperation.  I couldn't understand why no one was coming to help me!  It was obvious to me that I was dying, but no one else seemed to notice.  How was that possible?!  

Since then I've learned about something that life guards call, "The Instinctive Drowning Response."  You see, as it  turns out, drowning in real life looks nothing like drowning in the movies or on TV.  Drowning people do not thrash about or yell for help.  They can't.  All of their energy is being expended on getting above the water and catching as much breath as possible before they inevitably sink back beneath the surface.  They can't wave their arms because they are instinctively using their arms to push down on the water's surface in order to leverage their bodies and get their mouths above water. With that being the case, statistics show that half of all children who die each year from drowning do so within 25 yards of a parent or other adult who didn't recognize that they were drowning.

Have you ever felt that way in your day to day life?  Drowning, while no one notices?  Chances are you think it should be obvious.  You can't fathom why no one seems to see that you are living on the brink.  Survival, just making it through the day, is so consuming your thoughts and energy that you can't understand why others don't sense your desperation, despair, constant struggle.  

On that perfect day in Florida, we all got a reality check.  Starting with me.  Once the canoes were back in place and those who were obviously endangered were in the clear, my father came over to me.  In a loud voice he said, "Stand up!"  I could not respond verbally or physically.  I kept sinking below the surface frantically climbing this invisible ladder that would bring me back up just long enough to gasp for air before I went back under.  Finally he grabbed me by my shoulders lifted me slightly and said again, louder and right to my face, "Carla, Stand up!"  With my head now being held above the water by his strong arms, I could respond.  Coughing and sputtering, I extended my legs and to my unfathomable surprise the river bottom was not far below.  I had been drowning in water that only came up to chest.  At any point I could have stretched out my legs, found solid ground and caught my breath, but I didn't know that.  I had no idea that my salvation was that close, that accessible, and my family had no idea that I was in danger.  Frightening, isn't it?

This memory surfaced for me this week while I was watching online as Louie Giglio taught a lesson at the Passion 2013 conference in Atlanta.  He shared two different stories from the Bible where people were healed or brought back to life, but the final step in that restoration process involved them "standing to their feet."  That is a powerful image for me.  Stand up!  Bear your own weight!  You are not a victim, you have what you need to carry on!

If you feel like you are drowning and no one is noticing, rest assured, the Solid Rock is beneath you.  It will require you transferring some of your energy from trying to stay afloat into remembering the One who put breath in your lungs to begin with, and that transfer of thought and energy will feel like a risk - but it is one that will pay off.  In Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV) God says, "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."  You will also be required to look at those around you a bit differently.  The answer is, No.  They can't tell that you are in despair, in danger.  It isn't always as obvious as you feel like it is.  People are busy and their thought lives are complicated (they have their own canoes tipping over left and right), that doesn't mean that they wouldn't come and support you while reminding you of the solid ground beneath you if they knew you needed that help.  Find a way to reach out - this too will feel like a risk, but it is one that will eventually pay off.  It helps if you reach out to those who aren't also drowning.  Someone standing on solid ground is much better equipped to help you find your footing than someone who is frantically climbing that invisible ladder too.

If you are one of the ones standing safely on the Rock, don't wait for those around you to completely slip below the surface before you reach out to them.  In real life, people drowning emotionally and spiritually don't look like they are drowning either.  They are often spending so much of their energy just trying to get through the day that they don't ask you for help or even know where to begin to describe the peril they are in.  Just like I didn't, couldn't respond to my Dad's instruction from afar to "Stand Up!" until he gripped me by the shoulders - others will need you to get closer than shouting distance in order to feel safe enough to try the suggestions you have for their relief from suffering.  And you'll need to be close enough to see that they need your help.  "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.  Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." - Romans 12:10-13 NIV.


(P.S. - After that day, as a five year old, my parents enrolled me in swimming lessons at a local pool.  I was terrified, but at their insistence I learned to swim - a skill that serves me well to this day.  If you have found yourself emotionally or spiritually drowning at some point don't be satisfied with temporary relief - get involved in a local Bible believing church, seek biblical counseling, make an appointment with a Christian physician, build your support system and gain the tools you need so that the next time the "water feels too deep" you will have what you need to survive and persevere.)

(P.P.S. - The point of this post wasn't really about physical drowning, but since I brought it up, here is a link to help us notice the signs of someone who is in distress in the water.  It is good information for all of us to have!)

As my husband has made the transition from life as a teacher to life as a minister these past several years, I have been going through a transition as well.  I can look back over the years and identify seasons of my life where I have known very clearly what God was asking of me (the year he asked me to learn submission was a doozy).  In this current season, the lesson is about NOT HOLDING BACK.  One by one, God has been peeling back layers of my own selfishness and showing me how I have been choosing to withhold good things from those around me.  It isn't pretty.  Some of the things are small, but could have great impact - a smile, a hug, a word of encouragement; other things are more involved - my time, my energy, my vulnerability, my love.  

As we made the drive recently from PA to OH, Timmy and Jason were in the moving truck and I was in our car by myself with time to think.  I realized that God was indeed asking me to consider what life, what ministry, would be like if I stopped holding back and gave all, trusting Him to replenish me and use my efforts as He sees fit - refusing to make judgement calls about whether something or someone was "worth" my offering or whether or not "my offering" was worthy of the someone or something.  Immediately, the lyrics to this song (by Ray Boltz) came into my head for the first time in many years:

He heard the preacher say
A single dime can feed
A hungry boy or girl
With nothing to eat
So he pulled a dollar
From the pocket of his jeans
And he asked his mama
How many will this feed?
She just smiled
And when she told him ten
He reached back again
CHORUS:
What if I give all I have?
What will that gift do?
My child, a gift like that
Could change the world
It could feed a multitude
He didn't close his eyes
Or turn away
I can see him standing tall
He saw the need
And I can hear him say
What if I give all

The song goes on to recount the stories of both the young boy in the Bible who gave his lunch (fish and bread) to Jesus who used it to feed THOUSANDS, and to Jesus himself who gave everything He had to save the world from sin.

What if I gave all?  What if I stopped acting like I belong to myself and started acting like my God was big enough to meet my physical, spiritual and emotional needs in such an overwhelming way that I was freed up to give liberally of myself, KNOWING I wouldn't be left depleted for long? What would that gift do?  It is time to find out.  This move to Ohio may not have turned out the way I expected it to, but it doesn't give me an excuse to withdraw and hold tightly to what is "mine."  If anything it compels me to submit to the only One who is never taken by surprise, the only One who holds the future.  The God of the Universe whose resources are without end and whose love is unfailing.

2 Corinthians 9:10-11 NASB - "Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness; you will be enriched in everything for all liberality, which through us is producing thanksgiving to God." 

Romans 12:1 NASB - "Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship."