Today I read this story about a young man in Belize whose life was radically changed by people loving him and encouraging him when his own parents abandoned him at the age of 12.  I was moved by the way I saw God's hand in his life as he described the twists and turns that led him to the place of gratitude and hope where he is now. I can imagine that it took courage for him to write his story down and that there were probably times where he doubted whether he should or not.  Sometimes something means an awful lot to us, but we have doubts about whether or not it would mean much to others.  It is disconcerting to share our stories when others may discount their value or weight.  Earlier this week I read two different accounts written by fathers who lost a child.  One to a stillbirth and the other to a tragic car accident at age five.  Both commented that they were hesitant to share their stories.  They were concerned about somehow cheapening the weight of their experiences with their own clumsy words and even worse, laying them out there for others to criticize or judge - not just their writing, but their very motives for writing in the first place. 

I am thankful that each of these people chose to tell their story.  SO thankful.  I am drawn to stories.  True stories.  Biographies, autobiographies, historical sketches, blogs, I want to read them all.  To me, this is the stuff of life.

In Shauna Niequist's book, "Bittersweet," she writes this, "There are myths that we tend to believe about our stories: the first is that they're about us; they don't matter. But they're not only about us, and they matter more than ever right now. When we, any of us who have been transformed by Christ, tell our own stories, we're telling the story of who God is... My life is not a story about me. And your life is not a story about you. My life is a story about who God is and what he does in a human heart."

Let's be brave and tell His story about our lives - about what He has brought us through and what He is walking with us in today and where He seems to be leading us. And let's not be quick to judge when others share their stories.  There are things to learn about God and what He is doing in the world bound up inside each and every person we meet - my bus driver, the woman I pass in the city each day holding a cardboard sign, your son's swim team coach, the mail carrier, my neighbor, the telemarketer.  Perhaps if we saw each other that way, if we saw ourselves that way, we'd approach each other with a bit more grace and dignity, and we'd dive deeper into the the greatest story ever told.

What does it mean to be filled with joy?  A young mother of three with a new baby on the way just lost her husband in a car accident this past week in the small California town that our family calls home.  Where is the joy in that?  A friend is working through the process to adopt a child who has called her, "Mommy," for about a year now and the system is getting more convoluted, not less, as time goes by.  Where is the joy in that?  A beloved relative is in the hospital with bleeding in his brain.  Where is the joy in that?  I have a nephew who I have only seen in pictures who is celebrating his 2nd Christmas and a trip to visit and take in that moment with my own eyes isn't in the budget.  Where is the joy in that? 

This Sunday, our church will light the candle of JOY on the advent wreath.  First was hope, then came peace, now JOY.  I have been reflecting on the idea of JOY in preparation for this coming Sunday, and frankly, no revelations were happening in my heart, mind or soul.  But I kept looking.  This morning, I picked up the devotional book (Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young) and there it was. Staring me in the face on the page designated to read on December 10th of each year.  Even so, I didn't recognize it right away.  It was couched in a lesson on security.  "Make Me the focal point of your search for security," it started.  My mind started to wander.  Clearly, this wasn't going to illuminate the Bible's teaching on JOY for me.  Alas, I kept reading, albeit a little miffed and disappointed. 

"Make Me the focal point of your search for security.  In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe.  Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counterproductive to spiritual growth.  When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me.  Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, REJOICE that trouble can highlight your awareness of My Presence.  In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My Face.  Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure JOY.  Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in heaven." - taken from the inspiration Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 139:10; James 1:2.

Could it be that JOY and security are tightly bound together?   The newly widowed mother whose life suddenly looks nothing like she planned, the friend called "Mommy" by a child born to another waiting on the legal system to make it so, the uncle in the hospital whose physical health is fragile and uncertain, the aunt who has no assurance of when she will see her nephew.  We all have something in common.  We all lack the security of knowing the future.  This devotional reminded me that we can all have something else in common too, if we will choose it: a heightened awareness of the presence of God that others on more seemingly steady ground cannot know.  These areas of our lives where security is stretched thin and it feels like we are walking on spider webs where they should be pavement, these are the moments, the days, the seasons where we can experience what it is truly like to be carried in the arms of God.

I remember as a little girl, as I was getting a bit too big to be carried places on a parent's hip or shoulders.  I would take utter delight in the moments when I could "trick" my Daddy into believing that I had fallen asleep on the couch in the evenings.  Without fail, he would scoop me up and carry me to bed.  Tucking me in and kissing me on the forehead, while I pretended not to notice, as I faked sleep.  Once he was out of the room, I would open my eyes and smile, relishing the moment.  There was something so special about being physically carried by someone who loved me so tenderly.  

We don't have to fake neediness on earth.  We are needy.  Sometimes our neediness is more obvious than others, and in those moments (as others feel sorry for us) we get to stop pretending that we have it all together.  We get to stretch up our hands, with tears in our eyes and cry out, "Daddy, God, I NEED you!"  And after He has carried us for a season, through things we couldn't handle on our own, we can open our eyes as we find ourselves resting in the evidence of His security and smile in a knowing way that others can't.  We can remember the feel of His strong arms and the sound of His heartbeat and His kiss on our cheek, and His loving words, and we will know a deeper joy than we could ever feel without having been carried.

Consider it all joy, if your predictable, safe world is anything but predictable and safe this Christmas season.  Your Daddy will carry you through it. 

He sent His one and only son, Jesus, to be born of a virgin, to live a sinless life, yet die a sinner's death on your behalf and to be resurrected from death to eternal life just to make a way for you to run into the arms of His perfect Father and call Him your own at such a time as this.  I pray that you will let Him.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. - Isaiah 41:10


7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you. - Psalm 139:7-12



Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds - James 1:2

When was the last time you cried because of a single word?  Were they happy tears or sad tears?  This morning, on my commute to work, I was listening to music and looking out the bus window and I began to think about a phone conversation from the night before.  I went over it in my mind and ended up misty-eyed.  Not because of the conversation, but because of a single word uttered by the caller.  

The word was "unanimous."  What?! Not bringing you to tears too?  Perhaps I should explain.  My husband went through the interview process for an interim-pastoral position at a church in our area the past few months and it went very well.  All along the way we were encouraged and the pastor search team seemed to be encouraged as well.  When you apply for a job at a church in our denomination, however, the committee doesn't typically get the final say.  It is the committee's job to present their best candidate to the church as a whole.  The church then takes a vote about whether or not to hire that candidate.  Can I confess something to you?  The process intimidates me.  This is the second time Jason has made it through to the voting-part of the process with a church and both times made me uneasy.  I inevitably flash back to high school where I ran for student body office positions every year and never got voted in.  I was never turned down for something that I had any control over... If I wanted to be on the honor roll, I worked hard and made the honor roll.  If I wanted to be on the cheerleading squad, I practiced until I made it.  If I wanted a summer job, I showed up in a suit or dress, respectfully asked for an application and proved that I would be a good employee, and I got the job.  But when everything came down to an anonymous vote... it never worked out for me.  

The last time Jason went through to the church-vote-stage of a hiring process, the vote came back as 83% "for" and 17% "against" (if I remember correctly).  I remember where we were when we got that call as well and how it gave us both a moment of pause and deep concern.  Who were the 17%?  Would they be angry if he accepted the job?  Would they make ministry difficult?  Did we really want to walk into a position knowing that, right off the bat, 17% didn't think it was a good fit?

Fast forward to this morning.  As I sat on the bus and replayed the phone conversation with one of this new church's elders from the night before, as he said "The vote was unanimous, we would like Jason to be our interim pastor," my mind singled-in on that one word, "unanimous," and I started to cry silent, happy tears, surrounded by a bus full of strangers.  

One can certainly minister for many years in a church that didn't vote him or her in unanimously, and conversely, just because a vote IS unanimous doesn't mean that there aren't those who aren't 100% on-board but just didn't want to rock the boat by voting against the majority.  The point of this post isn't about church voting policies or the sometimes  gut-wrenching process of finding a ministry position in the United States.  The point is - there is tremendous, encouraging power in being accepted, 100% accepted.  It is even more encouraging to be accepted when you have been 100% yourself.

I am reading a devotional book right now by Angie Smith entitled, "Mended."  In it, she quotes the following from the book, Chasing Francis: A Pilgrim's Tale,
 "'Do you know the story of Rabbi Zusya?' he asked.  'He was a Chasidic master who lived in the 1700s.  One day he said, 'When I get to the heavenly court, God will not ask me, 'Why weren't you Moses?'  Rather, he will ask me, 'Why were you not Zusya?' " 
The quote goes on to say,
"Churches should be places where people come to hear the story of God and to tell their own.  That's how we find out how the two relate.  Tell your story with all of its shadows and fog, so people can understand their own.  They want a leader who's authentic, someone trying to figure out how to follow the Lord Jesus in the joy and wreckage of life.  They need you, not Moses."

What an encouragement to be 100% fully who God made you to be.  Sometimes you will be accepted as such and other times you won't.  Sometimes it will be unanimous and other times it will be more like 83%-17%.  Regardless, God didn't call you to be anything other than who you are.

Today I am thankful that, this time, it was unanimous, and I am also asking God to remind me that it has always been that way with Him where I am concerned.  He knows me fully and is unanimously for me.  Totally undeserved and completely phenomenal!  

Romans 8:28-31 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He alos justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"  

Psalm 139
1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

"When it is most difficult to worship God is when it is most important to worship God." ~Mandisa

On Tuesday, January 15th, I tuned in online to watch "A Night of Hope and Healing."  I was not disappointed.  Not only was I not disappointed, I was inspired and thrilled to my core at the display of the love of Christ that was taking place.  The event won't get any national media attention, but I can't let it go by without talking about it here.  It was profound to me.

The event was billed as "a free event designed to bring comfort to the community (surrounding Newtown, CT) through music, prayer, and uplifting messages."  The lineup of talented servants was impressive: Louie Giglio, Max Lucado, Steven & Mary Beth Chapman, Mandisa, TobyMac, Building 429, Laura Story and Casting Crowns.  Lest you think, the ulterior motive of this event was to make money - It was a FREE event, and 10,000 tickets were distributed to the Sandy Hook victims' families and community members affected by the recent school shooting.  I can't even begin to fathom what putting on this event cost.  To say it was an extravagant gift to total strangers, is an understatement.  Here is a taste of what the event included:

Familiar scriptures were recited corporately - the Lord's Prayer, the 23rd Psalm - taking on more personal meaning in light of recent events.  Less familiar scriptures were proclaimed boldly: 

Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Hebrews 4:14-16, "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Songs were sung with rich lyrics that ministered healing to those who would accept it:

Amazing Grace
It is Well With My Soul
Beauty Will Rise:
"It was the day the world went wrong. I screamed til my voice was gone, And watched through the tears as everything came crashing down. Slowly panic turns to pain, as we awake to what remains and sift through the ashes that are left behind. But buried deep beneath all our broken dreams, we have this hope:
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise and we will dance among the ruins. We will see Him with our own eyes. Out of these ashes... beauty will rise. For we know, joy is coming in the morning..."
Whom Shall I Fear:
"I know Who goes before me.  I know Who stands behind.  The God of angel armies is always by my side."
Broken Hallelujah:
"When all I can sing is a broken hallelujah, when my only offering is shattered praise, Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins.  I will worship You and give You thanks, even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah."

Stories were shared. Mary Beth Chapman, in particular, shared openly, while holding back tears about the tragic loss of their own 5 year old daughter, Maria.  Letting those present know they were not alone and they would not be forgotten.  She shared her conviction through it all that in the end God is enough and He is faithful.

Prayers were prayed. At one point the names of each of the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting were displayed in the stadium and a time of silent prayer for their families took place.  Louie Giglio told the group that the pictures and stories of each victim were on display backstage and that the performers had been looking at them and reading about them and asking God for help to minister to those left behind.

One of the performers tried his best to explain why they had all come and put on the event: "We just want to bless you and encourage you and enter into your pain with you and say we hurt too, and tell you
of the God who makes life worth living."  I'd say mission accomplished, and I've never been more inspired by a group of fellow believers trying to live out their faith in the world.  

Some of the heartfelt comments I jotted down as I watched include these:
Louie Giglio said, "In times like this people ask, 'Where is God?'  We are the body of Christ. We aren't a building with four walls, an institution, an organization. We are the hands and feet of Jesus in this world.  If the world is going to see Jesus, they will see him through His sons and daughters.  Where is God? God is here because the people of God are here." 


Steven Curtis Chapman: "The world keeps spinning, leaving many paralyzed, angry, numb and stuck while the world goes on. We have not forgotten you.  Not because we are wonderful in and of ourselves but because Jesus is in us. We may move forward, but we will not move on.  We will keep listening to you, praying for you."

"I drove a stake down in the ground when everything went dark in my life.  Even though I am still angry at times and even though I still don't get it - I have two choices - run away from God or run toward God and trust Him and trust His word is true. He is whispering, 'WILL YOU TRUST ME? I know your heart is broken.  Will you trust me?' The story ISN'T over.  We have lost so much but nothing is lost to God."

Max Lucado: "What Steven Curtis Chapman just did for you, you will one day do for someone else.  For the rest of your life you can speak from a place of 'been there.' If you'll let God be your teacher then what was intended for evil will bear good - you will be a missionary to the brokenhearted."

The Night of Hope and Healing was an absolutely perfectly lived-out illustration of why I am a Christian.  We do not "have" souls, we ARE souls and that night a group of humble, talented, people acknowledged the soul ache (that continues in CT long after the media attention fades away) and very respectfully and gently provided an outlet for those souls to reflect on the the Word of God, to pray and praise and thank and cry, and to find a way back to their Maker for restoration.  Beautiful and powerful to behold.

The most poignant moment to me was when Chris Tomlin and a full band was singing the song, "I Will Rise" (listen below).  There is a part of the song where the lyrics say: "Jesus has overcome, and the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won. He is risen from the dead." The 10,000 people in the arena began to clap and cheer upon singing "The victory is won," and the clapping was so loud Chris Tomlin just stopped playing. And waited.  And let the moment happen.  People continued in their applause for several minutes and then they continued with the song.  Truly, worship is never more beautiful than when it is offered in times of great sacrifice. When I find it hard to worship in the future because of something that has caused me pain, I will remember that night and offer a sacrifice of praise.

I do not normally (ever) write about particularly controversial things on my blog.  I just write about what I'm thinking about.  Sometimes it is funny, sometimes it is spiritual, sometimes it is introspective.  Well, right now I happen to be thinking about something that is controversial. It happens on occasion. I've sat here and debated whether or not to write down my thoughts, and finally decided that I should.  Not to make a point.  Not to become a lightening rod for opinions and criticism.  Just to continue doing what I've always done...write what I happen to be thinking about at any given moment.  So here goes.

Just down the road from us in Bellefonte, PA, a jury is currently deliberating and preparing to come to a verdict in the trial of former Penn State football coach,Jerry Sandusky who has been accused of many different crimes related to inappropriate sexual contact with multiple young boys over the course of several years.  This case has drawn intense national media attention. As reporters and news outlets are each trying to come up with a different angle on the case, and gain more readers in the process, articles are emerging on the periphery that have nothing to do with Jerry Sandusky or his accusers.  They are focusing, instead, on pedophilia.  Analyzing it, dissecting it, puting it out there for the world to consider and talk about.  Tonight I read one such article on CNN.com.  Here is the link: http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/21/opinion/cantor-pedophila-sandusky/index.html?hpt=hp_t3

The article asks two questions: 1. Are people born pedophiles? and 2. Do pedophiles deserve sympathy?  First, the article defines a pedophile as someone who has a sexual attraction toward children.  The author distinguishes a pedophile from a child molester by stating that not every pedophile acts on their urges and actually molests a child.  Scientific evidence is then given that points to the possibility that people can be born with a bent toward being sexually attracted toward children.  Thus, the question the author poses, "If people are born this way, should we feel sorry for them?"

I've been thinking about the greater questions that this conversation brings to the surface and I wanted to jot down my thoughts here as I process them.  I am not a theologian.  I am not a doctor.  I am not a geneticist.  I am the sum total of the thoughts, experiences, knowledge, and faith that God has blessed me with.  It is from this humble place that I offer these observations:

1. As I read the Bible, I read of a God who has created us in His image, knitting us together in our mother's womb.  I read of a God who does not make mistakes and has no regrets. 
2. This fact does not mean that our physical bodies are "perfect" in the way that we define perfection.  As simple human beings who, apart from faith, have only this world as a frame of reference and only other human beings to compare ourselves to - we define perfection as that which is most desirable to the most people.  God is not limited by this world and thus does not define perfection in that way.
3. We do not understand when someone is born blind, or deaf, or autistic, or with a physical malformation.  We see these things as disabilities, and at times we question a God who could allow someone to suffer such "imperfection," undeservedly.
4. As science continues to delve into the area of genetics and attempts to separate out that which is nature versus that which is nurture, more and more physical and psychological "imperfections" are believed to have been hardwired into people before they were born. 
5. As a person of the Christian faith, I must choose to compare myself, not to those around me, but rather to Jesus Christ alone.  The Bible tells me that none of us is perfect. Nope, not even one.  Not because of our "flawed" God-given physical bodies or psyches, but because of what we've chosen to act on, sinfully.  We do not know what proclivities were hard-wired into Jesus' physical DNA while he was on Earth.  We do know that the Bible says he was tempted in EVERY WAY but was without sin.  Every. Way.  Whatever his tendencies were, he never acted on them sinfully.  He is our gold standard, not each other, but the one who walked this Earth and was tempted but did not sin.  Jesus, when tempted, returned to scripture and prayer, and he never acted on any temptation.  We are to do the same, with His help.  These tendencies toward sin, these imperfections, can actually drive us right into the arms of the one and only Savior of the world, and that is where we have belonged all along.
6. Should we feel sorry for the pedophile?  No.  But not because he/she is repulsive and undeserving of our sympathy.  We shouldn't feel sorry for him/her for two reasons: 1. Because we are no better, and 2. Because he/she is NOT WITHOUT HOPE.  We should feel grateful that God has designed each and every one of us to need a Savior, to be faced with our flawed tendencies so that we seek out His help.  Otherwise, we would never turn to Him, and the truth is that He is the center of the universe.  Not you, and not me.  He is what life is all about and living our lives thinking and acting otherwise is foolish.
7. Who should we feel sorry for then?  I believe we should feel sorry for those who think they have it all together.  Who believe they have no need of a Savior.  Who have looked at their own flawed tendencies, whatever they may be (pride, drunkenness, lying, rage, laziness, sexual deviancy, passivity, etc.) and rather than humbly putting faith in Christ to save them from themselves, they determine to just give into their instincts and define their own morality, choosing to make themselves the center of the universe and elevating themselves to the place of god in their own minds.  He/She is to be most pitied, and prayed for.

And that's what I think about that.

I just finished the first week of a training program that is supposed to get me off the couch and running a 5K (3.1 miles) in nine short weeks.  The first week involves a 25 minute workout that alternates 60 seconds of jogging with 90 seconds of walking, three times per week.  As the program progresses, walking time will decrease and jogging time will increase.  Yikes!

In the spirit of not taking myself or this very minor accomplishment too seriously, here are the top five things I learned prior to 7am today during my 25 minutes of jog/walking:

1. Ants, apparently, get up earlier than I do and are tougher than I am.  As I was stretching at the track before my workout, I noticed little bits of "stuff" moving slowly on the ground beneath my feet.  I realized they were hundreds of tiny ants carrying food-stuffs many times their body weight to an unknown location.  They reminded me that I have a hard enough time carrying my own body weight.  Show offs.

2. An idea of blogging about a Taylor Swift song and relating it to a deep spiritual truth, is probably the runner's high talking.  Mid-way through my jog/walk, I actually had this "brilliant" idea to somehow relate Taylor's single "Our Song" to my relationship with God.  Those endorphins can create CRAZY TALK in your brain, I tell ya.  Beware!

3. The only place it is acceptable for me to wear spandex shorts is at the track at 6:00am when no one else is around.  I think I burned more calories constantly adjusting those crazy shorts  to keep them from sliding down or riding up than I did while actually jogging/walking.  Thank God for long, baggy t-shirts.

4. Getting spiritual while exercising is for the advanced, not the amateur.  Toward the end of my workout, as I finally realized this was going to end (eventually) and wasn't, in fact, going to kill me, I had the bright idea to pray for my friends and family during each of the 90 seconds of walking (praying for myself was all I could manage during the 60 seconds of jogging... more specifically, praying that I'd suck it up and not be a wuss and quit).  Sounds reasonable enough, right, except that when I would pray while I walked I would lose track of time and the 90 seconds of blessed walking would go by too fast or I'd feel gipped somehow or I'd go longer than 90 seconds and mess up the rules of the workout plan (I'm nothing if not a rule follower).  Bah!  #AmateurProblems

5. Having something poking you in your shoe while jogging can make you look insane.  If you were hiding behind a tree or sitting in a car somewhere, or were flying overhead in an airplane, or had concealed yourself in some other way this morning, and you had the misfortune of watching my workout while I thought I was all alone - I apologize and I feel I must explain.  I HAD SOMETHING IN MY SHOE!  All those crazy moves, random kicks and shakes, and the stomping, and toe tapping all while trying to continue moving in a forward direction without falling down, must have made me look a bit off my rocker.  Perhaps I am...

Starting on Friday, I will be jogging for 90 seconds and walking for 2 minutes for a total of 25 minutes a day, three times per week.  Heaven help me!  I'll keep ya posted on the hilarity that ensues and the poignant lessons learned.  I know you're on the edge of your seat.

PS - I love the little girl in the picture above.  I don't know her, but I love her.  I found her on Pinterest.  I am not making fun of her, I am making fun of myself... she is, quite obviously, trying to dodge the bubbles that are about to land on her head and that is serious business indeed.