My mind wanders.  If I walked as many roads as my mind travels each day, I'd weigh 40 pounds less and have the cardiovascular stamina of Lance Armstrong!  Even today over lunch at the local Red Robin, I was jolted back to reality when my husband said, "What?!?"  It seems I was staring at my salad and shaking my head with a furrowed brow and a sincere expression.  Jason thought there was something wrong with my food.  In reality I wasn't even aware of the Spicy Fiesta Pollo Salad which laid before me.  My mind had been transported back about 30 minutes prior to a conversation I'd had with a friend before leaving church.  She'd asked me a question and I had tried to convey a strong "negatory" but now I was second guessing myself, was I convincing?  So here I sat, trying to convince my salad that the answer was indeed no.  I can't help it.  My mind wanders. 

Sometimes my wandering mind is a bad thing... a very bad thing.  Like when I've been driving for a few minutes and realize I can't remember any of the scenery or landmarks I've just passed.  That freaks me out.  Once a friend told me that she occasionally experienced the same thing, so I've tried to tell myself I'm normal, when in reality, I secretly fear I am a danger to myself and society.

Sometimes my wandering mind is a good thing... a very good thing.  When I am watching a movie that ends up being too intense for my delicate, nightmare-prone sensabilities, I can just mentally tune it out for awhile and recall a more Disney-esque scene.  A better example is when I am reading the Bible in those quiet moments, alone, and my mind poses a question based on the verses I've read, and I go on a vivid mental adventure in the effort to answer my mind's question.  I am transported back 2000 years or more in history and I start to wonder things like... When, Jesus was born in that stable in Bethlehem, was Mary terrified... she had to be, didn't she?  She had to have a million questions.  She had to wonder what the baby would look like - would he have her eyes, nose, mouth - would he look nothing like her - would he be normal or strange, this God child.  Would he look through to her soul and find her unfit to be his mother.  Would he expose her faults and her frailties.  To add to all of these questions - this was her first child and she had not yet been with a man!  Wasn't she scared about giving birth - without her mama or a sister there to help her.  Without a bed or any conveniences found in her home.  Was she angry with Joseph?  Why couldn't he force the innkeeper to find them a room?!  This wasn't just a selfish request - a desire to have a comfy bed - she was going to have a baby for pete's sake.  Why wasn't he more persistant?  Why didn't he kick somebody out of one of those rooms and claim much needed space for his wife?  I have to tell you - my husband would have done that!  Was she really so meek and mild?  Did she really take it all in stride?  This teenage girl whom God had chosen out of all of the women on the planet to bear his child.

Those are the times when I am so glad that my mind wanders.  When the pages of scripture come alive and I dive right in and find myself 10, 15, 30+ minutes later sitting there staring at my Bible shaking my head with a furrowed brow and a sincere expression - marveling at God. 

This has been a week of emotional highs and lows.  Emotions are a total enigma to me in many ways.  At times I HATE them.  I HATE that they cloud my judgement.  I HATE that they are at times affected by hormones, over which I have no control.  I HATE that they can make me feel so sad/pathetic/helpless/distraught sometimes that the real truth of a situation slips through my grasp. 

With that said - they aren't all bad, those pesky emotions.  I LOVE that tears instantly form in my eyes and spill out liberally when I see someone baptized - even total strangers.  I LOVE that the exact same thing happens when I am with a friend as they bring a baby into the world.  I LOVE that I can look at my husband or my son and be so filled with joy and pride just at the sight of them and what they represent to me.  I LOVE that a ride on a roller coaster still produces equal parts THRILL and TERROR in me.  I LOVE the excitement and heart palpatations that come with doing something I was born to do - knowing I am fulfilling my purpose - making a difference for eternity. 

Knowing that I am created in God's image and that I have emotions - makes me dwell on the fact that my God is an emotional God.  He doesn't sit on a throne in the heavens and look down unfeelingly at the world below.  At various times in the Bible He is said to be grieved (Psalm 78:40), angry (Deuteronomy 1:37), pleased (1 Kings 3:10), joyful (Zephaniah 3:17), and moved by pity (Judges 2:18).  I CAN RELATE!!! I am made in God's image and I have felt all of these things as well.  I love that we have that common ground.  At times when God seems impersonal to me (usually when I haven't spent the time with Him that I should as His child and servant), it is so comforting to remember that He FEELS deeply - as do I. 

Equally as comforting to me is the fact that just as God feels deeply and loves purely and is filled with holy passion - he is also unchanging.  THIS IS HUGE TO ME.  It is great to have a God who feels strong emotions, but if He were capricious, or if he allowed those emotions to sway Him, to make Him lose control, to keep Him from exercising sound judgement - what kind of God would He be?  Not one I could worship.  Not one I could trust to help me sort out my own emotions.  So, as delighted as I am that my God can relate to my emotional nature, I am equally grateful that in the end he says - "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8-9).